Is This Normal??

Topic 20615 | Page 2

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Kenny M.'s Comment
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Waiting for him to be in an accident, you need to be at home? You can take your cell phone anywhere.

Also, usually when someone is worried about what you're doing ( like flirting or cheating), chances are he might be doing it himself. You didn't say anything about cheating, but food for thought. Maybe try going out on the road with him as a passenger.

It sounds to me he is way over the line. Good luck in which ever direction you take.

Rainy D.'s Comment
member avatar

He's not the problem, you are.

He's an obviously insecure guy. He was probably always jealous of your social behavior and being away has made it worse. I was involved.with a soldier who was deployed more than we were together. Had he said things like your man said, He'd have found me.to.be a much bigger danger than the Taliban lol

The fact that you stated "it's insanity" means you know it's an issue. Yet you have allowed yourself to "miss your friends".if you look back, I bet there were warning signs before you were married, just subtle ones.

The problem isn't him and his controlling ways. The problem is you allowed it and have voluntarily imprisoned yourself by a guy who is never around. Does that sound normal?

Good luck. I'd run

Big Scott's Comment
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If you haven't realized it yet, you are in an abusive relationship. Either get counselling or get out. Either way, you need counselling. There is a lack of trust and communication. You both have issues you need to work on.

Scott K.'s Comment
member avatar

Jill, get a new man!!!! You deserve better!!!!!!!

Hello, my name is Jill, my husband drives truck, and I feel like I'm going through hell because of it. Let me start by going back a few years, I was a very social person, it makes me happy spending time with my friends, going to lunch, watching a movie, taking walks and just generally gabbing and enjoying each other's company. I don't do that anymore, maybe once every couple months. The reason I don't is because when I do, about fifty percent of the time it's a toss up on it being ok to do, or it could be a huge fight. I hadn't really gone out in a while and I woke up yesterday to my girlfriend wanting to know if I wanted to get some breakfast and hang out because we haven't in a while.

I tried to call my husband three times, and I finally thought you know what, I'm in my mid thirties if I want to meet up with her for breakfast I can, so I sent him a message telling him where I would be and I headed out. Big mistake. I had been with her about a half hour and the fighting started. It was over various things, at first it was I have to get rid of our dog, a dog he begged me for to be his truck companion and then couldn't deal with the puppy phase so he left him with me, and the kiddo pretty much destroyed our furniture, now he's talking about buying a boat over the next ten years to live on and he says the dog has to go now.

Then it got worse, he basically implied that I shouldn't just wake up and decide to go anywhere, that's what he said, as if I'm not allowed to do that. This isn't there first time. 50 percent of the time if I want to see my one of two girlfriend's that I have he makes sure it's going to be a miserable time. 25 missed calls, and message after message after message just fighting with me. Then he implied that I'm not to leave the house until I talk to him too tell him I love him, which he hears 400 times a day as most days are spent entertaining him on the phone, 3 to 4 hours a day. He said this is what truckers wives do. They don't go out. They don't hang it with friends, not even once a month, every other month, they don't, no movies, bowling, lunches, game days, nothing, a truckers wives job is to sit by the phone and wait for there to be an accident.

And how guilty and bad will I feel if he dies while I happen to be at lunch. I've rarely gone out, once a month, if that for more than an hour, and he said that I shouldn't leave the house at all because I'm not working and he is. He pays the bills, and it's thrown in my face a lot. I have medical issues I'm working it and hoping within the month I'll be back to work but he's complained about every job I've ever had, every one there's complaints, so I have to work but deal with his complaints about it nevermind the **** I put up with there it's about his problem with the place or people I work with.

My spirit is broken. I'm not who I used to be anymore, and I just need to know am I the only one being confined to the house. Anything I do with anyone else, if I'm enjoying myself that means I don't love him. Is this normal, because it feels like complete controlling insanity to me. If I saw a friend being treated like this I would be livid. And mine are. They miss their friend. I miss them. I miss myself. I don't know what to do he says this is just how it is and all truckers wives live like this, or do you guys demand this of your wives too? I dedicate my time to him when he is home, always have, but I feel like a prisoner even when he's not here.

Colin K.'s Comment
member avatar

Errol V. is 100% correct, Jill. You are in an abusive relationship and he is the abuser. One huge indication of this is that he is a control freak. How do I know he is an abuser? I have 25 years of volunteer experience with social services.

If he happens to make promises to change, please don't believe him. For abusers to change, they need three things: 1) They need to admit that they have a problem; 2) They need to want to change and 3) They need to be willing to work on the problem through therapy, counseling, etc.

In my 25 years of experience, those three things almost never come together. Unless all three of those things are present, he won't change. Even if they are, it will be a long, tough road ahead. He didn't become an abuser overnight and he won't change overnight either.

Stay safe and God Bless, Colin K.

Dm:

Dispatcher, Fleet Manager, Driver Manager

The primary person a driver communicates with at his/her company. A dispatcher can play many roles, depending on the company's structure. Dispatchers may assign freight, file requests for home time, relay messages between the driver and management, inform customer service of any delays, change appointment times, and report information to the load planners.

HOS:

Hours Of Service

HOS refers to the logbook hours of service regulations.
Errol V.'s Comment
member avatar

It's been over 24 hours since Jill posted here for help. As usual, Trucking Truth members came through with many non-judgmental suggestions.

Also, it's common for the OP never to return. Jill, please post something, as many people are concerned and praying for you now.

(If you're really worried about getting caught, both MS Internet Explorer and Mozilla Firefox have "private browsing" which does not leave a trace of your internet research on your computer or smartphone.)

Lynn H.'s Comment
member avatar

I survived a diabolical step-father and one horrible husband. I recognize some of their tricks in your post, and it only gets worse. Trust me. It's been almost 20 years, and I'm still PSTD-ed out from all that. It sucks to be lonely, but it's heaven compared to all that. Men like that will chip away at you until there's nothing left, and something inside you knows it. You said, "My spirit is broken. I'm not who I used to be anymore...I miss myself." What's left of your spirit is reaching out. It wants to live. Let it.

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