Being a truck driver is not easy. It’s far worse when you have a family emergency and you’re away from home. All you want to do is be out of that truck. Some drivers will never be in this situation, but unfortunately I was. I’ve tried writing this article many times, but it was too difficult and perhaps the time was not right for me. I’m ready now, so I will take you back to 2004.
Trouble On The Horizon
My dad had not been well for awhile and it showed. He no longer looked younger than he was and you could see that something wasn’t right. He tired easily, and many things were now difficult to do or took a little longer than it would have normally.
Perhaps it was July when mom and dad came to my home in Iowa for a visit. My little town’s convenience store also had a golf practice range. Dad has always enjoyed golfing so we went to the range one evening. I sat on the bench and watched dad go thru the bucket of balls. Each swing seemed to be a struggle for him and then it took a moment for him to catch his breath. I cried some as I watched. I knew that his time to leave us was getting closer.
But I could see that dad was really enjoying himself, so I tried to focus on that. He was happy. That’s all that mattered.
While I was on the road, dad would have doctor visits and a hospital stay. Some were scheduled, some were not. Sometimes mom would decide not to call me in case I was asleep or in heavy traffic. Instead she would go thru my employer, who would then call me or send the message over my Qualcomm, along with “we are praying for your dad” and other words of support we give each other at times like this. I copied all of those Qualcomm messages. They meant a lot to me.
Staying Focused
It is hard to focus on your job at a time like this. I found myself stopping often at truck stops and rest areas, trying to compose myself before continuing on safely with my assignment. At one truck stop, the clerk asked me if I was OK. “Yes”, I lied. After getting my purchase and going back to the counter I told her what was going on and we had a nice talk. It helped knowing that others cared.
My employer allowed us to drive one week on and one week off, as long as there was someone to fill the truck during your week off. I liked that setup. I really needed that week of home time. There were also many times I went out a couple of days before my week started or stayed a couple of days longer at the end of the week.
In August, on one of my off weeks, I went to Northwest Arkansas to see mom and dad. That voice inside, a 6th sense we have, told me that the time was getting closer now. I can’t explain it, but I believe it. I’ve learned thru the years to listen to that voice. When it was time for me to leave, mom and dad came outside and watched me back out of the driveway and we waved goodbye to each other. This would be the last time I would see my dad alive I told myself. This scene plays out over and over in my head and I treasure this memory. I cried most of the way home.
During Labor Day weekend, dad was rushed to the hospital at bedtime. It was my week to be in the truck. They rans some tests and told me I should go to work, so I did. I went to the Milwaukee area and spent the night there. The next day I went to the Twin Cities with a couple of stops along the way and spent the night there.
The next day, Tuesday the 7th, my load delivered back in Ames, Iowa. I live South of town. One of the reasons I went to this company was to be home more and swing by more often. I delivered the load and dispatch had two choices for me to choose from, but I said I needed to call my mom first and I would call them back. So I took the truck home for a few minutes and called mom. That feeling was back. I called and she was crying and was getting ready to call me as the doctor had just told her to “get your kids here quickly.”
I called my employer and said I could not continue with my week. I was very thankful that I was already home but I had to return the truck to the lot and get my own vehicle. I gathered some clothing and whatever else I could think of while I called some friends and neighbors to tell them what was happening. I returned the truck to the lot, put everything into my pickup truck, and left for Arkansas at 4pm. I made it to the hospital at 11pm.
Dad’s heart is barely working, about 15%. There are other complications too. After a few days we decided to bring dad home and use hospice care. Dad left us on the 13th.
I kept my employer informed almost daily with phone calls and emails. I was told to take as much time as I need.
If you ever find yourself with a family emergency, I hope your employer allows you as much time as needed.
I know its 6 years later from the time he passed; But Im sorry for your loss. Reading your story brought a few tears to my eyes. That is one thing that worries me when I start soloing. Family emergency’s are always the hardest to get away to when you are far away. Or even when you are close by.
Good luck with everything.
-David
Thank you. Dad died at home just like he wanted and I was with him when he died. It helps bring closure and deal with the grieving process. Good luck to you when you start driving on your own.
Oh, Rhonda. it was very heard reading this, because I find myself in a similar state at this point in time and I dread the inevitable. Much love to you, and thanks for an amazing article. I find strength in this.
Thank you. It was a hard story to write but I wanted to share my experiance so others will know some of us have gone thru it. And I hope my story helps those who may have this happen to them.
Sorry to hear of your loss, and it is good to know there are still companies out there that are family oriented as this one was for you.
Recently I have gone through a situation with a death in our family. My wife’s Dad was not doing good during Christmas, and then we got the bad news of cancer, and his time could be quicker, or a few months.
On Wed. Jan. 30, 2013 my father-in-law passed away early morning. Once my wife collected herself she had called to let me know. I immediately notified my employer of the situation, and that I needed to be home. Up to this time I was not pleased with him, and things he did as a company, but it was a job so I kept with it. Anyway, my employer was not doing anything extra to get me home by Fri, or Sat morning as the wife had requested. So, she called him to talk to him. Not only dealing with her Dad passing, but my employer made things worse for her after their conversation. She told him that I would have to be home by Fri night, Sat morning, and that the funeral was Mon morning. Informed him that he would have me home since our son could not be released from the army to be here, and she was not going to have this to deal with too. She even told him to have him “hop trucks” with me to get me home. He told her he could not do that. It would be up to Me when I got home, and she remembers him distinctly telling her “as long as it did not compromise a customer” Needless to say she had a bad feeling how this was going to be.
I did all I could to get home for her, and be there for her during this time. I drove about 30+ hours, got all my loads, drops, and headed on in with maybe about 1-1/2 hours of sleep. I informed the employer the truck was trailer, and load was coming to the yard (he has a secured fenced/gated property) I could have just dropped the truck, and trailer on the side of the road, and walked away since he was not being cooperative in getting me homer sooner with this family crisis. But, trying to be the better person I did not do this. I was in CA and needed to get back to IA.
I got the truck, trailer, and load to the yard by Sun morning. My wife, and daughter followed me to the yard which is in MN, and is close to a 4 hour drive from home. Got my things out of the truck, parked it, got in the car, closed the gate, and we left to rush back to be at the funeral home for the Family viewing…which my wife needed to be there since she was one of the daughters. I text the employer to let him know the truck was there. Prior to this there had been some words due to frustrations, no sleep, and him not getting me home sooner. He was notified on Wed, and I was not home till Sun morning which to me was not very cooperative for this situation. We did get to the funeral home right as the family was walking in. I felt bad for my wife for what she was going through, and then to have to add this situation to things as well.
After the funeral, and things that needed to be done about 5 days later we had to go to SC where my son was graduating his Army basic training. He was very upset he could not be home for the funeral, so we piled everyone together with family, and went for his graduation. He thought it would be Mom and Dad only, and was happy to see others that were there too.
Following this we get home, and I check the mail expecting my last paycheck to be there from my now former employer. Yes, he does not do direct deposits, and mails your checks to you. No check was there. I was getting sick to my stomach all over again. I dealt with one hardship, and I felt I was again having another issue by him not sending my paycheck to me. I contacted him with a text message about my paycheck…he doesn’t answer phones well, and you generally get better repsonses from him by texting him. Still no response from him that week of being home from everything. My wife even sent him a text message asking about my last paycheck, and he never responded to her either.
Here I am a month later with No paycheck from this company, no response to messages/contacts, nothing in the mail showing my last pay stub, paper work, anything saying he is not paying Me. Just nothing. About a month later I am back to work with another company of course, but really feel the bite yet from not having that last paycheck from the employer. Kind of like hardship on top of hardship. What is a person to do, where do they turn for help, and I really wish I could find a way to resolve this issue.
Sorry for your loss of your father-in-law.
Wow!!!! What a headache!! No one should go thru this. I have read about others who have missed the funeral of their mom, dad or other loved one. Their employer would not let them off—”load has got to be delivered.” Those employers do not need to be in business. Or the one being a “jerk” about the situation. You know they would not like this treatment if it was them. Just one more reason there is high turnover in trucking.
I was glad I was with a company who values their driver’s and works with them. For me, I have never had issues in being home when things happen. I know I was lucky to have found employer’s like this.
Glad you are with a new employer and I hope it is a better one, than the one you left. Besides getting an attorney to get your last check, you can also write to the State Labor Board–blue pages in the phone book. And a letter to the Attorney General brings fast results!!! I’ve done both several times and it is amazing how fast the problems get solved/go away when you go to the top!!!