“To have and to hold from this day forth, till death do us part” We have all heard this line from traditional wedding vows. Sometimes trucking marriages don’t make it, and this part of the vow becomes, “To have and to hold from this day forth, till trucking do us part.”
Life isn’t easy. Things get tough when the loads aren’t there. The home time visits are few and far between, and way too short. It all adds up. You need two committed people, it can’t be just one. It has to be both to make marriages work. Trucking marriages are already difficult, but if your spouse isn’t committed, it will never work. Its not always easy to be committed in a trucking marriage. There is always the temptation to turn to someone else.
Marriages are tested a lot more when someone is forced to become a truck driver because there just aren’t the good paying jobs there used to be. You aren’t used to it, the separation can almost be unbearable at times. My first piece of advice is to maintain communication! Do not let the lines go down. I realize you may be hurt or betrayed because your trucker was forced into this career, but keep in mind that they’re not any happier about the separation than you are.
My second piece of advice is to never judge them and think they don’t care about you. If they married you, they care about you and love you. The separation is painful for them too. And even if they don’t show it in the same way you do doesn’t mean they don’t care, and that the situation doesn’t bother them. Saying things like “you don’t care about us” or asking questions like “Do you even still love me?” can do some major damage to your relationship. I almost guarantee you will hurt their feelings.
Don’t ever forget the vows you made when you got married and don’t let trucking do you part. The pain of leaving doesn’t ever go away. It hurts each time you see your trucker pull away. But the pain dulls after they are gone a bit, and disappears when they return back home. Cherish the home time. Love them with everything you’ve got. You’re the reason they keep rolling down the road, putting the miles behind them.
If you have any questions you can catch me on the forum. TruckersWife09
I have been married to a trucker for 20 years. I met him the first day I went to my first truck driving job and we have been together ever since. I drove single for a year, then became a trainer. He was a trainer. We would crisscross the US meeting here and there for meals and visiting time. After I trained for a year, we teamed up for 3 years. Surprisingly, we had no quarrels. He had been driving for 20 years and me for 5, but he didn’t tell me how to drive and as far as personal arguments, there was nothing to argue about.
I have been off the road since 96 and he has run with the same team driver all these years. We still do not argue or fight.
A lot has to do with me having been “out there” and understanding what it is like. Many women who are married to truckers have suspicious minds – they think the worst if they call and it goes to voicemail. They don’t consider that the phone might be out of a signal area. Some women think that every time the truck parks for the night, that their husband has some woman in there with him. If the guy is working hard, the probability that they have time to meet and cultivate a relationship is absurd…and if he has any intelligence at all lot lizards are off limits out of self respect.
If the man is coming home on regular time off, it is not the time to bring up all the stuff from the past. It should be a romantic and fun filled few days. They shouldn’t have to do a lot of chores, although there are man chores that they can do, and they should be permitted to get plenty of sleep.
It has worked for us for this long…hopefully there are others who can make it long term with their trucker.