Wife Not Standing With This

Topic 21767 | Page 1

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Bryan E.'s Comment
member avatar

Its hard to say this but I think being otr will save my marriage. Wife ain't standing by it and making threats on taking half the tax money or not file with me which is needed to keep the ship afloat when I'm at the academy with no income for a month. She wants to spend it on self while i pay bills and pay the van off with mine. Highly discouraged. She was standing by me recently. Don't change th4 fact I'm real close to going in academy. It is exactly what I need. It won't hurt my marriage. In fact it may help it. Hard stuff.

OTR:

Over The Road

OTR driving normally means you'll be hauling freight to various customers throughout your company's hauling region. It often entails being gone from home for two to three weeks at a time.

Tim F.'s Comment
member avatar

I feel for you Bryan. I went to Roehl Transport in 2014 with Luke warm support from my now exwife. When I returned with a CDL license and a means to provide for her and my son she asked for a divorce. It had been coming, but the new career kind of was the straw that broke the camels back.

Hopefully she’ll she that this is a way for you to better both her life and your families life.

Good luck moving forward!

CDL:

Commercial Driver's License (CDL)

A CDL is required to drive any of the following vehicles:

  • Any combination of vehicles with a gross combined weight rating (GCWR) of 26,001 or more pounds, providing the gross vehicle weight rating (GVWR) of the vehicle being towed is in excess of 10,000 pounds.
  • Any single vehicle with a GVWR of 26,001 or more pounds, or any such vehicle towing another not in excess of 10,000 pounds.
  • Any vehicle, regardless of size, designed to transport 16 or more persons, including the driver.
  • Any vehicle required by federal regulations to be placarded while transporting hazardous materials.
Chuck 's Comment
member avatar

It's a tough situation when someone that you love and care for does not want to help support another person's dream. I say that you go to the academy if you are already committed and hopefully she will see that this can be a good thing for you and the family. It is a short term sacrifice for a long term goal that is going to help provide for your family in the long haul. Hang in there and I hope it all works out.

TruckerSpeir's Comment
member avatar

I'm a little confused. You said your wife isn't standing with your decisions, but you also said this would save your marriage. I'm not seeing the logic in that.

I'll just be blunt: If your wife isn't on board and you value your marriage, don't do it. I'll give a little buffer to that: Don't do it YET. Fix your marriage, get it on a solid foundation, before you do this--and then do it. But not if it's a concession she gives you to stop the argument, but rather a shared desire between the two of you.

Maybe my values are outdated, but I've been married twelve years and I can honestly say they have all been incredible years, with absolutely no deep relational issues. Arguments? Sure. Fights? No, not one. We did this in two ways: We agreed from day one that we would never go to bed angry at each other--that we would always rationally talk out our problems rather than letting them simmer on the back burner--and that every single decision in our lives, big or small, would be made mutually or not made at all. Those two principles have been hugely impactful in my marriage. I can only advise based on my own experience, and so based on that my advice would be to stop and focus on your marriage.

Leaving your family to go on the road for such a long period of time is hard on the best of marriages. On marriages that are already shaky, it could be disastrous.

HOS:

Hours Of Service

HOS refers to the logbook hours of service regulations.
USMC AAV's Comment
member avatar

I've been reading this and kicking this around for the last few days.

So I am going to mention it like this, it has been my experiences that trucking will damage most relationships when or if your wife/girlfriend is not on board with it. There area few people that it has actually helped but from those I know personally, for the most part it was like the nail in the coffin. If your marriage is on shaky ground, then if you disappear for a week or two or three and then only make it home for 2-3 days, you wife will definitely freak out. The vast majority of people I know that do trucking (friends and family totally 19 people) , almost all are divorced, with 4 exceptions (that's almost 80%).

If you marriage is on the rocks now, fix it before you go over the road. Otherwise, its a good bet it won't end well. Granted I don't know your specifics, but if I was talking to a friend or family in the same situation, I would tell them to think on this really hard, because of my past experiences with other friends and family.

Over The Road:

Over The Road

OTR driving normally means you'll be hauling freight to various customers throughout your company's hauling region. It often entails being gone from home for two to three weeks at a time.

SAP:

Substance Abuse Professional

The Substance Abuse Professional (SAP) is a person who evaluates employees who have violated a DOT drug and alcohol program regulation and makes recommendations concerning education, treatment, follow-up testing, and aftercare.

HOS:

Hours Of Service

HOS refers to the logbook hours of service regulations.
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