CR England: The Long Ride Home

So there I sat roughly two months ago in my room at CR.England, not less then an hour before I had meet with the training director and told him I had failed. I was told to hang out, while they decided what do next. Do next I thought? How about you give me my bus ticket home??? I knew I was done with CR England, I had blown my last chance, all I had do was pull up five feet, straighten up and back in make a right turn, then left and I would have passed. With in minutes of being told they would get back to me, I was making phone calls to other truck driving schools. With each recruiter I spoke with I explained my situation up front so not to waste their time. I contacted four or five companies, maybe six. I got the same answers, sorry, unfortunately we won't be able to work with you. Stevens trucking told me "once you get a year of experience, we might consider giving you a shot" so I stopped making calls. Maybe this trucker thing wasn't meet to be, I came tried, failed and now and now I had no bleeping clue what I wanted to do. My phone rang and I was told CR.England had decided it was time we parted ways, I was polite and cordial started to thanked the director for his time and consideration, I was cut off mid sentence, " You need to go see so and so about your bus ticket, click line went dead" Wait, what??? I had noticed after my second time failing backing the instructors had become rather abrupt, I had gotten plenty of dirty looks or looks of disapproval. Now there was the phone call thing, I thought for a split second of going to see him and letting him know I didn't appreciate being cut off when I got done with him there were a few instructors I was going to go have talk with. I took a few deep breaths and went back to packing. He's stressed (the director) the instructor are stressed, students are struggling, the last few days prior several students had been kicked off the range, security had to intervene on several occasions. Finishing packing , get your ticket and go home, put this behind you. A few hours later I was at the greyhound bus station in salt lake city. On the same bus were a half of dozen students headed for California where they were going to meet their lead driver, or take care of personal business. Expect for helping a few ladies with their bags I didn't interact with them. Finally we started to head back. The whole entire time I kept reliving my last failed attempt, I was inside, outside, above, under to the left and right of the truck, watching everything I was talking into account wind speeds, everything and anything that could have effected my backing I was analyzing. I thought if I can just figure out the very split second I made my first mistake I can go back and fix everything. By the time we got to my stop I was a wreck. Bitter, angry, depressed. I stood out side the terminal and decided on my next course of action. Find a job, any job, didn't matter I needed to start working as soon as possible. A voice inside asked what will you be happy doing? Driving I said to myself but I demiss the thought, time for dreams is over its time for reality. No sooner had I thought that then this tractor trailer appeared. The tractor rolled slowly by as it did the driver turned and looked at me nooded in my direction and then was gone. I knew from that second all I wanted to do was become a driver. I had no idea how I was going to make it happen