How To Give Advice To A Friend That Doesn't Take Advice?

Topic 32751 | Page 1

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Davy A.'s Comment
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I have a friend of sorts that ended up getting his CDL from an independent school. He ended up getting hired by CR England recently. He's a younger kid (in his 30s). I've been pretty hands off, knowing his personality. Sort of knows it all and prefers to try it the hard way first.

He finally called me, after I posted some basic advice of shutting down if He didn't feel safe, and keeping safety in mind first.

He asked for some advice on what I would do, it's his first solo run tomorrow, heading from Denver to "somewhere in NM", dedicated Albertsons run. I suggested that since it's currently dumping wet heavy snow and will be all night, with high wind warnings in several areas that he consider shutting down. (I'm in Denver tonight, flying to Cancun tomorrow)

The reply was as expected "I'm good with all that, I think I'm going over wolf creek pass, I'll just chain up and go slow"

To which I replied, wolf creek pass is a 6 and 7 percent grade with no center barrier, sharp turns, and not recommended for your first solo run even in good weather, although my DM would let me take that route, they would question the decision. Same for Monarch Pass. Hell, Raton can be no picnic either. I reiterated that he strongly consider his trip planning, safety and adjust accordingly.

After listening to some more of how he'll be fine and is pretty sure he just needs to go if they tell him to go. I just said "good luck. I'm sure things will work out, but know that my company will never want me to be on the road if I don't feel safe"

I don't know, it gets inherently frustrating when you can see the obvious solution and an impending train wreck when someone won't follow the advice. I've directed him to here a few times, but for the most part, I just gave up on giving him advice since he won't listen anyway.

How do you deal with it? I'm sure the mods here have the same type of thing, many times over. I know I've had a few times where I've been mule headed but I usually snapped out of it pretty quickly.

CDL:

Commercial Driver's License (CDL)

A CDL is required to drive any of the following vehicles:

  • Any combination of vehicles with a gross combined weight rating (GCWR) of 26,001 or more pounds, providing the gross vehicle weight rating (GVWR) of the vehicle being towed is in excess of 10,000 pounds.
  • Any single vehicle with a GVWR of 26,001 or more pounds, or any such vehicle towing another not in excess of 10,000 pounds.
  • Any vehicle, regardless of size, designed to transport 16 or more persons, including the driver.
  • Any vehicle required by federal regulations to be placarded while transporting hazardous materials.

Dm:

Dispatcher, Fleet Manager, Driver Manager

The primary person a driver communicates with at his/her company. A dispatcher can play many roles, depending on the company's structure. Dispatchers may assign freight, file requests for home time, relay messages between the driver and management, inform customer service of any delays, change appointment times, and report information to the load planners.

OWI:

Operating While Intoxicated

PackRat's Comment
member avatar

I always have one thought for this situation: You can't save everyone from themselves. Some only learn something the hard way, while some never learn at all.

RealDiehl's Comment
member avatar

You offered good advice, Davy. Advice acquired through experience. I can understand how your acquaintance might feel the need to go above and beyond on his first load in order to make a good impression. I don't know how to make someone listen to reason. I'm sure CR England stressed the importance of shutting down in dangerous conditions while he was in orientation. Maybe remind him of this? Maybe share some posts of experienced drivers right here on this site who have shared their own stories about deciding to shut down in bad conditions.

Grinch's Comment
member avatar

Davey, you gave the best advice you could, that is all you can do. “ you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink. Reminds me of one of my last students. Decide he could study better, and do things better him self. I showed him everything he needed to be successful. So I could sleep at night. He is an overconfident impatient individual. I Voiced my concerns to our driver qual team and our driver leader. Last month he left a terminal without the bol’s. The result was him delivering the wrong product to 2 stops and out of order. It took him an extra 2 days and 600 miles in the snow to correct that. The other day I get the” i jackknifed the truck” text. Slow spin at least minimal cosmetic damage and no other vehicles involved. But when we talked on the phone I realized he had his Jake’s on in the snow with an empty step deck trailer on an off ramp at a faster speed than I would have been for sure. I know we specially had the snow / Jake conversation while he was in training when we hit early season snow. Some will learn the hard way unfortunately and there is nothing you can do.

Terminal:

A facility where trucking companies operate out of, or their "home base" if you will. A lot of major companies have multiple terminals around the country which usually consist of the main office building, a drop lot for trailers, and sometimes a repair shop and wash facilities.

Turtle's Comment
member avatar

The thing about advice is it is usually conservative in nature. In other words, we tend to think of the worst case scenario and advise against it. The problem with this is that sometimes the danger never materializes. If I parked my truck every time someone suggested it, I would not be nearly as productive as I am.

That's not to say that there isn't a real danger on those roads, or that your friend should just push through. Rather, I'm saying that if your friend is as fiercely independent as I am, he will likely want to base his decision not entirely on your advice, but also his gut feeling when faced with the actual conditions rather than those predicted.

Yes, my opinion will be unpopular. Yes, it's quite possible he should play it safe and park his truck. It's equally possible that he'll make it through unscathed, and gain some valuable experience out of it.

In the end it's as Packrat suggested: You can't save people from themselves. You also can't predict whether they'll succeed or fail in a situation. You can only give suggestions and hope everything works out for the best.

HOS:

Hours Of Service

HOS refers to the logbook hours of service regulations.
BK's Comment
member avatar

My question is why would his company give him this assignment for his first solo route? Shouldn’t his DM question this assignment on his behalf?

Perhaps your friend should ask his DM to get him an assignment that doesn’t involve Denver or any potential chain-up locations for his first solo trip. I’m not really sure how things work at his company, but this would be my first thought if I were in his snowshoes.

Dm:

Dispatcher, Fleet Manager, Driver Manager

The primary person a driver communicates with at his/her company. A dispatcher can play many roles, depending on the company's structure. Dispatchers may assign freight, file requests for home time, relay messages between the driver and management, inform customer service of any delays, change appointment times, and report information to the load planners.
Zen Joker (Andy)'s Comment
member avatar

Davy, I've read enough of your posts to know you have a huge heart. At the end of the day, you can have lead a horse to water and then put salt in his oats, if he refuses to drink and dehydrates, that is NOT on your conscience my friend. As good people all we can do is advise with the best advice we have. That is is where our responsibility ends as should our worry and frustration over the person we are trying to help (those who tend need it most almost always refuse our help/advice). You are a good friend and a true professional for trying and you can comfortably put the concern to rest.

Have fun in Cancun!!! smile.gif

HOS:

Hours Of Service

HOS refers to the logbook hours of service regulations.
Davy A.'s Comment
member avatar

Cancun has been a blast.

He made it 2 days, Jack knifed in Wyoming, been stuck there for a few days

Zen Joker (Andy)'s Comment
member avatar

Dang!! 😳

Cancun has been a blast.

He made it 2 days, Jack knifed in Wyoming, been stuck there for a few days

IDMtnGal 's Comment
member avatar

Cancun has been a blast.

He made it 2 days, Jack knifed in Wyoming, been stuck there for a few days

That's not surprising. Do you think he learned anything, Davy?

Laura

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