I Failed, But Still Trying

I’m a rookie (actually i’m in a pre-rookie stage, failed company orientation) . Also excuse my broken language as English is not my mother tongue.

I failed company orientation, yet I applied in the same failing day with another carrier and will start their orientation in couple days. I’m committed to all TruckingTruth’s recommendations to the rookies. When I decided to do trucking 3 months ago, I dumped my ego, my pride and I swallowed most (if not all) of my dignity and now comfortably shutting my mouth up and sculpting a stupid smile on my face whenever any of my trainers offers one of their “you-are-dump-ass-and-loser” explicit and decent constructive criticism, no matter how much I feel really raped and insulted inside I just shut up and smile and try to do better next time. My problem that the existence of a trainer who on the count down mode of a ticking bomb, which will go off by the act of my very next stupid mistake, give me more unbearable anxiety than the anxiety of moving such big rig gives to me. The constant tension state inside the tractor cab which is imposed by the trainer only because he can’t control his snapping demeanors and because he can’t understand that yelling snapping during any stupid mistake I’m currently performing even it’s jeopardizing out safety and others won’t help me at all to immediately fix it, matter of fact this kind of explosive snapping usually push me to compulsory react in the opposite direction and involuntarily do the exact opposite of what he’s trying to push me to do which leads the current incident to get more and more complicated.

I know that “it is what it is” and “those are the trainers so take it or leave” and “we are here onTruckingTruth to help new drivers to survive and not to fix the world”… so my decision is to keep trying and trying no matter what!

I just wanted to share this frustrating moment with my fellow rookies and with all the professional drivers who I meet here and inspire and teach me a lot.

Of course I do welcome any criticism or comment and of course I do accept any encouraging and kind word and all kinds of advices as long it’s not “the over generalized statement” of “trucking is not for everyone” because literally “nothing is for everyone”, for example “Macdonald's is not for everyone” and definitely “serial killing is not for everyone” and “speaking English as a second language is not for everyone” … I mean I do really understand the moral of “trucking is not for everyone” as a consistent reminder to review my priorities and goals, but honestly at a personal level this statement doesn’t help or relief me at all. It induces more frustration.

Lastly, i’d like to express my deep respect and my immense love and appreciation to TruckingTruth website as a safe honest and free of charges blogging and mentoring platform. Inside TruckingTruth i feel home among a lovely family of truckers from all possible backgrounds and all possible diversified experiences.

How did you fail orientation?

When I decided to do trucking 3 months ago, I dumped my ego, my pride and I swallowed most (if not all) of my dignity

That's too bad, because you are going to need all those things to make it in this business.

I feel really raped and insulted inside

You gave up your ego, your pride, and your dignity, but you kept your drama. I think that is where you made your biggest mistake. Success in trucking doesn't usually come easily, but it comes a lot harder to those who think they know better than the people who are attempting to teach them.

The constant tension state inside the tractor cab which is imposed by the trainer only because he can’t control his snapping demeanors and because he can’t understand that yelling snapping during any stupid mistake I’m currently performing even it’s jeopardizing out safety and others won’t help me at all to immediately fix it, matter of fact this kind of explosive snapping usually push me to compulsory react in the opposite direction and involuntarily do the exact opposite of what he’s trying to push me to do which leads the current incident to get more and more complicated.

There is real tension in every rookie drivers cab. For at least the first three months there will be a lot of tension at times. Tension is not the problem. The problem is in how you deal with it. Keeping a calm demeanor under pressure is very important in this job. When the trainer is out of the picture there is still a lot of pressure on you. Try your best to stay calm and resilient this time around. Maybe you have a chance.

By the way you are extremely lucky that another training program took you on. Most of them won't do that after you failed at another. Make it work this time. It's all on you.

You gave up your ego, your pride, and your dignity, but you kept your drama.

I like this comment and I do agree, I’m really over dramatic due to a non-western background culture and also I always notice that I do exaggerate in describing things to make sure, as a non-english as a mother tongue speaker, that my message is clearly delivered and received so I over stress and repeat. I will try to reduce my drama dosages and be more casual and practical trucking trainee.

Michael, your entrance to trucking is most likely a huge cultural shock. I get that. It's going to be disturbing at times. Just do your best to get through the training. Life will get better when you are in your own truck.