Dealing With Divorce

Topic 10739 | Page 1

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Jason B.'s Comment
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I'm going to be starting training with Prime Inc in a week and a half. I'm wondering if anyone has had to deal with divorce while out on the road? That is what I just went through. I'm not a social person, but I'm wondering how you deal with the inevitable loneliness that comes along with the road and divorce? Btw, I don't have parents any more and my extended family is limited.

CDL:

Commercial Driver's License (CDL)

A CDL is required to drive any of the following vehicles:

  • Any combination of vehicles with a gross combined weight rating (GCWR) of 26,001 or more pounds, providing the gross vehicle weight rating (GVWR) of the vehicle being towed is in excess of 10,000 pounds.
  • Any single vehicle with a GVWR of 26,001 or more pounds, or any such vehicle towing another not in excess of 10,000 pounds.
  • Any vehicle, regardless of size, designed to transport 16 or more persons, including the driver.
  • Any vehicle required by federal regulations to be placarded while transporting hazardous materials.
Kieran L.'s Comment
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I'm no expert, but I'd say a good way to ease your loneliness would be to make friends with other truckers on the road and talk to your friends over the phone and CB whenever you can, as well as talking to any old friends back home you may have that would help you through this. The end of any long term relationship can be a very tough time indeed. Its going to take time and the support of friends to feel better. Also, applying yourself to your new job and doing well at it could help you feel better too, as it can help give you a sense of pride, accomplishment, and self-worth, which helps keep feelings of depression away.

Steve L.'s Comment
member avatar

If you're not real social, you might really enjoy driving. However if the divorce was unexpected or not what you wanted, all this time to think about it won't help.

1. Stay out of bars & casinos. Plenty of 'em in Louisiana & lots of potential "friends" there.

2. Immerse yourself in your work.

3. Audio books or music on the road to keep your mind off the negative.

4. If you can meet up with friends or relatives while on the road, even if just for lunch or dinner, it can really boost your morale. E.g. I'm meeting friends while my truck gets a PM next week. 2nd time in 3months & I hadn't seen 'em in 15 years before that.

5. Use FaceTime or Skype to stay in touch with groans family.

Believe in yourself!

OOS:

When a violation by either a driver or company is confirmed, an out-of-service order removes either the driver or the vehicle from the roadway until the violation is corrected.

Jetguy's Comment
member avatar

Jason- You've gotten great advice from Kieran and Steve. Keep busy, think about positive things- look on the bright side of whatever happens, and I believe being thankful is very important. I am divorced also. I am a Christian also, which helps a lot. "If you don't hit anything, it's a good day!

Chris the stick slinger's Comment
member avatar

Try to remember that every person is an individual that makes and has to live with their own choices in life. Don't beat yourself up over a choice she/he made that you cannot control.

The saying that time heals all wounds may very well be the truest of them all. This is coming 17 years, a second wife, three daughters and four grandsons after my own very heartbreaking divorce.

Hang in there. It DOES get better. Best of luck to you.

Jason B.'s Comment
member avatar

Thanks everyone! This has helped. I'm not a social person in the sense of being outgoing, but I do enjoy being around people I know and listening to them. I think I'll struggle with that a bit, especially in light of the divorce.

Carl P.'s Comment
member avatar

Hell. You can msg me or call me anytime. I'm also a prime driver as well

The road will get to you for sure. I'm a rookie but sometimes when you're driving, you think about every decision you've made in your life. It can wear ya down if you don't control it.

Some days I try to speak to everyone I see, other days, I can't even people. Lol

Divorce is the reason I choose this job...wait..never mind. You don't choose trucking, trucking chooses you!

OOS:

When a violation by either a driver or company is confirmed, an out-of-service order removes either the driver or the vehicle from the roadway until the violation is corrected.

Bud A.'s Comment
member avatar

Jason, the loneliness and other feelings associated with the divorce are just going to take time to lessen. Let yourself feel the feelings. It is going to suck for a while. That's the reality I discovered, anyway.

Meanwhile, as you're feeling those feelings, remember to consciously choose to do positive things for yourself. Here are a few things that helped me:

Start exercising, if you haven't been, and keep doing it if you have. Even a good walk will help burn off stress and negativity.

Eat well and eat healthy. It makes a big difference, and may even give you some gratitude when you realize many millions of people don't have the luxury to choose what they eat each day.

Try some things you've always wanted to do. They don't have to be expensive. Just traveling to new places can give me a lift. It will help you from sinking into a rut.

Reach out to others and take an interest in their lives. Try to be a positive influence on others around you. You will soon discover that everyone has difficulties and burdens, some far worse than your own, and yet many of them keep a positive, cheerful attitude.

You will also discover that you can be a real help to others. This will help you keep your perspective and will also help prevent you from dwelling on your own problems. Sure, some might not respond - so what? Move on to the next one. I talk to several other drivers almost daily. We have a lot in common - we haul flatbed freight. Sometimes we talk about more serious stuff, but just talking about work is an easy way to stay connected with others.

I can also say that having a great attitude will sometimes get you better treatment from others. The other day I had a couple ladies at a shipper laughing so hard that one wanted to know my truck number so she could say hi next time I'm through there. I guarantee I'll get loaded as fast as possible next time!

My next suggestion may not be well received by everyone, but I would also suggest that you take an interest in spiritual things, if you don't already. I was once one who derided the Bible, but then one day I was challenged by a friend who asked me if all of my strong opinions were based on actually having read it. It ticked me off, but I if to admit that I had only read a tiny bit of it. I gained a new appreciation for it once I read it through for myself. In fact, it changed my life. If that doesn't suit you, read something you always meant to but never got around to. It takes more effort than watching TV or movies, but it has lasting effects and keeps your mind active.

I sincerely hope this helps! It will sure beat moping about blaming your ex for all your problems. I know - I did that for a while.

Shipper:

The customer who is shipping the freight. This is where the driver will pick up a load and then deliver it to the receiver or consignee.

Dm:

Dispatcher, Fleet Manager, Driver Manager

The primary person a driver communicates with at his/her company. A dispatcher can play many roles, depending on the company's structure. Dispatchers may assign freight, file requests for home time, relay messages between the driver and management, inform customer service of any delays, change appointment times, and report information to the load planners.

HOS:

Hours Of Service

HOS refers to the logbook hours of service regulations.

OOS:

When a violation by either a driver or company is confirmed, an out-of-service order removes either the driver or the vehicle from the roadway until the violation is corrected.

Boss Mare's Comment
member avatar

Not a driver yet (working,studying hard to get there and still trying make school decisions)...but understand the divorce thing....hard no matter what place you lay your head down at night and whether by your choice or not. Just remember it happens everyday...a lot of people can relate so the struggles u going thru aren't faced alone. the benefit of being on road...might change life perspective instead of coping in stuck place. road is freedom to experience life see new horizons literally and figuratively. It takes you anywhere YOU make a road...drive and find your new road and see new horizons ...prayers that you find peace.. Stay safe..All The Best

Jason B.'s Comment
member avatar

Thanks again everybody for the advice!

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