Dealing With Being Alone And Never Married.

Topic 16344 | Page 1

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T.W.'s Comment
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I am approaching 50, still look young, but I am beginning to feel uncomfortable with the idea of never being married and being alone. Society looks down on men like me. I never chose this path---just never found a girl I wanted to marry. Plus I don't have any good friends anymore. They all built their own lives.

It hard to have a social life while on the road or working from home. It is isolating. I keep in touch with old childhood friends on Facebook. Many of them are married, raising teenagers and surrounded by family. Ironically, some of my other buddies never married either. I thought of moving back to Illinois to be close to my childhood roots. It's a nice idea, but Illinois is falling apart with corruption, crime and high taxes. I began to think about places like Oklahoma or moving back to Florida. Hell I don't know.

I love my freedom and independence but it does take a toll on your mental health if you let it. I admire men who are self-reliant and independent. Some grow beards like Duck Dynasty and don't care about what you think of them. Sometimes I want to be like those men. I remind myself to be a man, quit whining and learn to enjoy isolation. (Only women need close friends, marriage, and a social life)

Today, I installed new brakes and rotors on my car and loved every minute of it. Just me and the car. No one to tell me what to do since I had full confidence in my ability. I need to stop doing manly things and get out to socialize more since its causing me to be a hermit. I just never liked socializing much.

I started going to church to try and meet a good woman and some male buddies too. I tried online dating for years and realized many women are just looking for money and are divorced with kids.

Maybe I should just enjoy my isolation and independence. Isn't this the way men are supposed to be built?

Your thoughts are appreciated.

Dm:

Dispatcher, Fleet Manager, Driver Manager

The primary person a driver communicates with at his/her company. A dispatcher can play many roles, depending on the company's structure. Dispatchers may assign freight, file requests for home time, relay messages between the driver and management, inform customer service of any delays, change appointment times, and report information to the load planners.

HOS:

Hours Of Service

HOS refers to the logbook hours of service regulations.
Sambo's Comment
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What you are feeling is very normal and natural.

God didn't intend for us to be alone. If you read the Bible, it says this, and he created woman to be a companion for us.

Perhaps you can find a local driving job that will get you home nightly, or at least 2 or 3 times a week, so you can rejoin your social circles, meet someone, and fill that void in your life?

Susan D. 's Comment
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So whats wrong with a woman whos been divorced and had kids? .. By age 50 they would likely be grown.

You would be surprised at the number of ladies of that age group who have been there and done that and dont intend to remarry and dont need a man to take care of them lol. A hint: You wont find them online. Assuming theyre all out to take advantage of you is a sure way to remain single, although there isnt anything wrong with that either.

Me personally, i didnt even date for 12? years or so because i never encountered any men who interested me..lacking in brains among other things i feel are neccessary. When i least expected it, i met a man 10 years younger, that i have so much in common with. Yep weve discussed our future together but marriage is in no way part of our scenario. Doesnt mean we dont love each other, we simply dont feel its necessary. We are together not because i NEED him or he needs me. I dont want someone who needs me.. I want someone who WANTS me.. Huge difference and he feels the same way.

So open your mind and consider the possibility of having a relationship with someone who may be older or younger, a different religion or even race. Find someone who is strong and independant because as a driver a mate would have to be those things and more. Most importantly they need to be friends. Some common interests etc.. Or dont.

Sometimes people have to be willing to take risks in order to gain something they might desire.

HOS:

Hours Of Service

HOS refers to the logbook hours of service regulations.
Jan P.'s Comment
member avatar

50's not to late but I think you need to push yourself to do a few social activities a month get out and meet people. Not sure if we can post sites but try this one: https://www.meetup.com/

It's not a dating site, it's just a social activities get together's in whatever area your in. There are even meet up groups tailored to people just looking to make friends or go out without being alone.

Kemo's Comment
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Well said Sue D. In all honesty (as a woman) my first reaction to your post is to be fairly offended and makes me think, maybe your outlook towards women is why you are single and not just because you enjoy feeling independent and anti-social. Just man and machine.

Maybe I am younger and being single for a 2 year block doesn't seem like long. But I was single for the same reasons. Enjoyed my independence, not coming across any men who fit my criteria and am introverted. I don't like feeling like I have to answer to someone else. I became quite the hermit that was totally complacent when it was just me, alone, working on my car or computer etc etc "woman and machine". Every now and again I would wonder, is there something wrong with me? Am I just meant to be a single person? Maybe I'm too "manly"?! I would always come to the conclusion that no, I'm pretty awesome just the way I am. I just haven't met any men who aren't bums, liars, cheaters etc. and would appreciate a woman like me.

Luckily enough for me! I met the love of my life through trucking. And he's 16 years older than I am (physically). He is also the hermit type. Now were anti-social independent hermits together. We laugh when we can't handle socializing for too long (like a couple of hours) with other people including family but somehow we can spend literally 24/7 together for months on end and only get occasionally cranky with each other. It's been over 5 years now and just wow....we are still blown away by each other and it only grows stronger as time passes.

It's never too late really if you open your mind a bit and broaden your horizons. My mum was widowed 25 years ago and now she's very happy at the age of 62 with new found love. Believe it or not what you might be looking for in a woman exists. But to be blunt no independent (mentally and financially) woman is going to be fond of your view of women.

You may need to broaden your criteria on age & race maybe even location but I believe if you are serious about trying to find someone for you, you really need to think about what it is you want in a woman and be realistic about it. Maybe you keep running into the same type of woman you aren't interested in, because you keep looking at the same type of woman lol and ignoring others for whatever reason.

To add to Sue D (Love the post) With no risk there will be no reward.

Bulwinkle J. Moose's Comment
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TW,

I hung up the idea of meeting someone online a year ago after doing it on and off since about the year 2000. Before online dating sites pretty much even existed. I've never been married. I took a peek at an online dating site again about a week ago just for grins and you know what? many of the same peoples photos are still there after years and years.

I started going to church to try and meet a good woman and some male buddies too.

I hope the guidelines of the Trucking Truth Community allow discussions on the topic of faith. It's a touchy subject. If they don't please let me know. I'm not here to proselytize in the least and will not do it. I'm just here to put my $ .02 in here because you've mentioned going to church. Sambo as well has chimed in on the subject, so I'm thinking I'm in the bounds of where this topic is headed in this thread.

I don't know where you stand on faith. There are lots of different houses of worship who serve different leaders. I'm a Christian. I'm also totally non judgemental on what people want to believe. If they believe something other than what I believe I'm totally OK with that. We need to respect each others beliefs and live in peace. My hope is that my opinions on this matter do not spark an outrage as I've been known to do, hahaha.

God didn't intend for us to be alone. If you read the Bible, it says this, and he created woman to be a companion for us.

The Bible is my guide book for life. I try to live by it but continually fail to measure up to the things it teaches and constantly fall flat on my face. I look to it for advice continually though because it teaches what is right and offers me hope for the future.

Sambo hit it on the head. We were not created to be alone. 1 Corinthians Chapter 7 also states that it's OK to be single if you want. It's your choice.

Most importantly they need to be friends. Some common interests etc.

Sue nailed it on this point!

We as humans were created to be social beings. Adam had friendship with the animals. This is a very special relationship, the bond between animals and humans but as Sambo has referenced the Man needed something more to be complete so he created a woman to be his friend. They were friends before they were a couple. Be her friend first share some common interests and get to know her as the person she really is and you'll be set.

Marriage is a legal contract something man has created. Adam and Eve didn't have a sheet of paper stating that they were married. They were committed to each other though so in the spirit of things they were a married couple.

So whats wrong with a woman whos been divorced and had kids?

I'm 54 so we are basically the same age. The reality is that the women we meet stand a good chance of being divorced and having kids. It's a huge complication. The last 2 women I've dated had kids. The first had grown children the second had kids in grade school. One was my age the other was 16 years younger than me. It made matters difficult because you're getting a package deal.

Sometimes people have to be willing to take risks in order to gain something they might desire.

It's worth the risk though to accept the package deal or at least give it a try. As a guy who never had any kids I kind of liked the thought of an instant family with the woman that was younger And tried to imagine what it would be like to be a dad to these kids. They resented me because I was not their real father and rebelled against their mom at the thought of her being with someone else other than their dad. She had only been divorced a couple of months a fiercely independent person with a good career ( a nurse ) so she didn't in any way need me as a support mechanism. When she searched deep inside of herself and I'm sure at the insistence of her children she gave me the flick. But hey I gave it my best shot and we are still good friends.

You're looking in the right place ( A church ) to find quality friends and a mate. It's not the only place either as Sue has pointed out.

I've pretty much did whatever I wanted do do most of my life and valued my independence. I'm sure this is something a driver values in life or they wouldn't be behind the wheel. We do need a balance though to stay on an even keel in life. I'm in the same boat as you since I've moved to a very rural part of the country and are searching for much of the same things. Don't give up hope!

Why so downcast oh my soul? Put your hope in God Psalm 42:5 42:11

BJ Moose

HOS:

Hours Of Service

HOS refers to the logbook hours of service regulations.

OOS:

When a violation by either a driver or company is confirmed, an out-of-service order removes either the driver or the vehicle from the roadway until the violation is corrected.

Kemo's Comment
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Just because.

Side note: We weren't instantly perfect for each other. We both had work to do. I had to drop my fear of being totally committed to another person for the rest of my life which came easy after spending more time with him and had drop some of the single person habits I had, wasn't used to sharing large decisions or considering the opinion of someone else among other things. He had to drop his baggage his ex-wife left him with. We are not married yet but basically are just without the paper.

T.W.'s Comment
member avatar

This is all good information. The general theme is I need to get out more and socialize. All good points from everyone. I am accepting the fact it doesn't matter if a woman has kids of not--if I like her, then I like her. It really boils down to who you click with.

I am going to join groups I like to do. Since my time is spent in the gym I will keep doing that and join a fitness class. I also like politics so I will join a campaign to volunteer. I will join some meetups since I like hiking. Church will be something I will keep doing.

This should keep me plenty busy and socially active.

Kemo's Comment
member avatar

Good outlook T.W. if you stick to your age group generally speaking if she's got kids it won't realllly matter since they would more than likely already be adults themselves. If you find yourself fancying a younger woman with kids and her kids aren't grown yet, you may want to think about if that is something you are willing to accept as a package and actually want for yourself as well.

Nothin' wrong with the single life. Some people are better off that way. Being social is apart of being human and nature. If it wasn't...we wouldn't have vocal chords or created any forms of communication like waiving. You can still be "manly" and feel the need to occasionally speak to other people...and even enjoy it maybe hahaha

Pat M.'s Comment
member avatar

Find a woman with kids and you can skip that part and go right to grandkids. They are more fun because you don't have to keep them.

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