New Trucker Wife/Cant Adjust To Change...

Topic 29159 | Page 1

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Sabrina L.'s Comment
member avatar

My husband just got his CDL and went to work for a company that had him gone 4 weeks over road for training, now hes on his own and gone alot. We have a 1 1/2 yr old that has never been away from his dad. He facetimes him but our son takes the phone and turns it over not wanting to talk. Iam not adjusting well to being solo full-time mom and working full-time. Its really hard and im just curious when you begin to feel normalcy in your life again. I feel so resentful towards him for being gone and thats not fair. I just had no idea he woube able to start a cdl job that let him be home.

CDL:

Commercial Driver's License (CDL)

A CDL is required to drive any of the following vehicles:

  • Any combination of vehicles with a gross combined weight rating (GCWR) of 26,001 or more pounds, providing the gross vehicle weight rating (GVWR) of the vehicle being towed is in excess of 10,000 pounds.
  • Any single vehicle with a GVWR of 26,001 or more pounds, or any such vehicle towing another not in excess of 10,000 pounds.
  • Any vehicle, regardless of size, designed to transport 16 or more persons, including the driver.
  • Any vehicle required by federal regulations to be placarded while transporting hazardous materials.
Truckin Along With Kearse's Comment
member avatar

Sorry to hear this. This is typical of people who just assume local jobs are easy to get and easy to do. Local jobs are very hard for new drivers and that is why the experience is required to get them

Also realize that even if he does get a local job, he will most likely be working 12 to 14 hour days. He will get 10 hours off per day that includes his commute to work, eating showering sleeping and time with you. Many of my local friends say they feel they had more quality time as over the road drivers because 4 to 6 days straight of family was better than a couple days of them mostly sleeping.

If you want to keep doing this, you need to be strong and he needs to be understanding. Please check out the following article I wrote. What you are feeling is normal. Your child will deal with it and adjust. How you handle things is a different story. Do not ruin your relationship over a job.

Once he gains experience which we recommend a year, he can try to get jobs to be home more. A year sounds like forever but it flies by. If you truly cannot handle 6 months to a year then be honest with him about it. We are here for you

OTR Relationships & What to Expect

OTR:

Over The Road

OTR driving normally means you'll be hauling freight to various customers throughout your company's hauling region. It often entails being gone from home for two to three weeks at a time.

Over The Road:

Over The Road

OTR driving normally means you'll be hauling freight to various customers throughout your company's hauling region. It often entails being gone from home for two to three weeks at a time.

OWI:

Operating While Intoxicated

Amanda S.'s Comment
member avatar

Sorry to hear this. Hope everything is going to be alright! It's good that you're able to FaceTime at least. I guess you should be strong, cause it's gonna be a hard way for you. But I believe in you :)

Sabrina L.'s Comment
member avatar

Thank you for encouraging words. I did read the article and it all makes sense. I am still feeling emotional and i get frustrated. I listen to him fuss about things like parking availability and i want to scream...my mind is thinking ...try getting up at 4am Mon-Fri, getting our toddler ready and to daycare, go work for 10hrs, get home around 6pm and feed/bathe/get our son in bed and hopefully by 9pm you find a second to sit down but only to now get dishes done, pay bills, and hit the alarm on button just to do it all over again. My mind then thinks of the to do list of homeowner stuff and how much i dont get dond because the demands of a toddler take over. Hopefully we will make it through but the way i feel in this moment is not comfortable emotions and i cant find the motivation to care enough because im overwhelmed. My family growing up were all in the truckers business, some were drivers and some owned their own trucks and leased them out. I watched my mom go through 5 marriages with truckers...probably werent healthy in the 1st place so no surprises there. I never heard anyone ever express feelings about this lifestyle. The trust part is not a concern. I worked at a Flying J before and seen what truck stops can be about. If a person is going to be unfaithful across the country. Its their values that need evaluated not their career.

OWI:

Operating While Intoxicated

Truckin Along With Kearse's Comment
member avatar

Your frustrations are not uncommon and you would.probably have similar even if he was local. You realize that right? It would still feel like all you. But it would be "he worked overtime and didnt take out the trash, mow the lawn, fix the sink" whatever. That is just part of having young children. Each partner feels overwhelmed. The added stress of being apart sucks though

The resentment you feel is because you feel like he is getting off easy by being away. Trust me.. He isnt. What he is doing right now is seriously just as hard as everything you just said. And both of you have to work your new roles to meet your goals to be together again and in a better financial place.

There are days I am up for more than 24 hours. We get woken up by train horns, customers and other drivers. We drive 11 hours of a supposed 14 hour day that a recent regulations change just created a loophole that can extend our day. Parking a 75 foot long vehicle is H E L L when you dont know how and the truck stops are filled. One accident has to be reported to future employers for 10 years. Dealing with strangers who are training you in a rolling closet can be torturous. Going solo can seem worse at first. Unhooking trailers in the sleet and snow.. The 80mph wind. .. Tennis ball size hail.. 5 inches of mud. Getting the truck stuck and not knowing how to get out. getting lost and being terrified you will hit a low bridge and you cant find a place to turn around.

Heck I knocked an axle of the trailer my first month out AND called the cops on myself

Find a family member or friend who will babysit and get some alone time. Even if it is just quietly reading a book.

When he feels more confident in the job and gets settled in a routine, life will get easier for you both. Home time will actually be better quality time because he wont need to worry about work at all.

I am not trying to belittle your tasks. . but you need to understand he is not getting off easy. He is going through hell right now too.

OWI:

Operating While Intoxicated

Rob T.'s Comment
member avatar

Please forgive me for posting in the womens section.

Sabrina even if your husband gets a local job you will still feel like he's not pulling his weight around the house. If he can get a P&D job that usually offers the best work/life balance but he needs to get atleast a year experience to have the skills needed for that type of job. They typically involve close quarter maneuvering in urban areas a majority of your day. The upside is they're typically M-F roughly 7a-5p but that can change. I've only worked local jobs. Both have on average been between 12 to 14 hours per day. It's possible to be off only 10 hours per day. Fit in commute, eating, showering and sleeping there isn't much time left for household tasks. Honestly its tough, the days I work I only have 4 to 5 hours to sleep unless I neglect other tasks and my kids. I'm not trying to downplay how much work and effort you're putting in, the tasks you're left to handle are very tough as well. You guys are a team and each player has a different role. Periodically my wife and I will have rough days or weeks where she falls into the same mentality you're currently in. Unfortunately the long hours are just part of the career. Remember why you guys felt this career choice was the right one. For my family the financial stability this career provides is worth the sacrifice.

When you begin comparing or placing more importance on one members role in the family is when problems happen. You are both facing difficulties with adjusting. It's something men rarely talk about but I can assure you it's likely affecting him negatively on the inside being away from you and not being there to watch his child grow up. Make the most of the time he is home. Understand he will be exhausted when he gets hometime but also be sure you guys get a sitter and have a date night. As Kearsey mentioned find a sitter and go have some fun on your own even if it's something as simple as getting your hair done or treating yourself to a nice meal out. Maybe once a month hire a cleaning service to come in and take care of things. What you guys are going through right now is one of the big reasons most drivers don't make it 3 months, and far less a year. If you guys can push through the challenges and allow it to strengthen your bond and marriage you will be much better off in the future. Small paychecks right now may have you questioning the reasons for being gone. I promise you he will likely double his pay from his first year by year 3.

You should suggest he join the forum. He will face many challenges his first year. Whatever you do, do not allow him to quit because hes having a bad day.

P&D:

Pickup & Delivery

Local drivers that stay around their area, usually within 100 mile radius of a terminal, picking up and delivering loads.

LTL (Less Than Truckload) carriers for instance will have Linehaul drivers and P&D drivers. The P&D drivers will deliver loads locally from the terminal and pick up loads returning to the terminal. Linehaul drivers will then run truckloads from terminal to terminal.

Anne A. (G13Momcat)'s Comment
member avatar

Sorry to hear this. Hope everything is going to be alright! It's good that you're able to FaceTime at least. I guess you should be strong, cause it's gonna be a hard way for you. But I believe in you :)

Haya, Sabrina .. 'one bounce' ladygirl~!!

Are you driving now, and for whom...can we ask?

Good sage advice; wonder how everything went for you (AND the o/p) as well.

~ Anne ~

Anne A. (G13Momcat)'s Comment
member avatar

Sorry to hear this. Hope everything is going to be alright! It's good that you're able to FaceTime at least. I guess you should be strong, cause it's gonna be a hard way for you. But I believe in you :)

How are things working out for YOU, m'lady ?!?!? People never stop back in here.. smdh.

Tagged y'all backwards.. matters not!! Just would love to hear the progress, if any.

Thanks, ladies~!!

Have you checked out Kearsey's Y/T channel ??? Helps with EVERYTHING.. jsyk.

Truckin along with Kearsey !!

Best ladies' voice on the 'tube' ... and many seasoned truckers 'our age' agree!!!

~ Anne ~

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