Friendly Reminder (the Trucker Wife's Version)

Topic 9709 | Page 1

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Stephanie D.'s Comment
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So my guy has been away for a month and a half aside from 12 hrs he got to swing by the house on July 8th. I've been coping, had to post here and get some reassurance that it does in fact get better, and in fact, it has. Anxiously awaiting his week of home time coming up in just a few days!

Anyways, I have been told in this forum and others to try to keep the conversations light, don't tell him about the stressors at home, etc.. Which I think is kind of crap because if I don't talk to my partner about it then someone else will start filling his shoes and no one wants that... I get it that you guys are out on the road, stuck in a truck, dealing with your dispatcher , loaders, etc but I feel like if you lose sight of your lady at home, that is the beginning of the end. Nevertheless, I've taken the advice into consideration and I have stopped complaining (as much) and I am really working hard at being a good trucker wife. Me and the kids are adjusting, school will be starting in the next few weeks, so it won't be quite as noticeable that dad is gone (at least that is what I am thinking)...

My whole point is, that while the wifes are at home trying to make their guy's lives as easy and "light" as possible, the guys need to also remember that while they may have their stressors and are lonely and often dirty, the ladies still need to be appreciated. We want to hear a thank you for holding down the home front. I know you guys are out there busting your ass to make a good living for your family. I know you guys need to feel appreciated too. All I'm saying is while you are out there lonely, your ladies are home feeling lonely too. It is not easy to go from being a 2 parent home to single mom status except still in a weird dynamic of a relationship.

So here I am, reading this forum and trying to be active in it, while I'm at home worrying about school supplies, and clothes, and mowing the grass and fixing the weedwacker.. I'm sure this is all stuff you guys are hearing from your ladies. Just don't forget you are not the only one who needs a little bit of gratitude.

Thank you each and every one of you for working hard to keep your family going. Thank you for working hard to keep this country going. Thank you for dealing with often times less than desirable conditions in order to provide. YOU ARE APPRECIATED. Just don't forget you're not the only one working to keep things going.

Dispatcher:

Dispatcher, Fleet Manager, Driver Manager

The primary person a driver communicates with at his/her company. A dispatcher can play many roles, depending on the company's structure. Dispatchers may assign freight, file requests for home time, relay messages between the driver and management, inform customer service of any delays, change appointment times, and report information to the load planners.

OWI:

Operating While Intoxicated

Jessica A-M's Comment
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There's definitely a fine limit in communication. If either partner is calling the other with just complaints, well, I wouldn't want to listen to it. When partners aren't together they miss out on all the positive stuff that they would normally experience together. I don't think "Oh don't tell him these things he's stressed" is applicable because no, neither partner gets to just not have to hear about the troubles just because they aren't there. But, people complain about the silliest things. Being mindful of what is being complained about and being supportive are both needed. I really recommend that the other partner find a hobby or even a job of their own if they want or can. Something that gets them out of the house around others instead of just dwelling on the same problems all day. I'd rather hear my partner tell me that they went out and walked dogs at a shelter than I'm lonely, I miss you, and all this negative stuff happened at home day in and day out. It's tedious to hear the same complaints every day. Likewise, I'd rather a trucker tell me about the area they drove through and things they saw versus the company did this to me everyday.

The Persian Conversion's Comment
member avatar

Stephanie, I can tell you are a great wife and mother, and I am positive that your man does appreciate you, even if he doesn't express it as well as he should. We men are just crappy at stuff like that. I'm sure deep down he has these feelings like, "I can't live without you," "you are the love of my life," I appreciate you so much and am so thankful that I found you," etc. But it's very difficult for men to actually express these sentiments for some reason. It's just the way we're wired I guess. But rest assured, he loves you.

So on behalf of your husband, let me just say that your hard work and commitment are incredibly appreciated. Thank you for everything you do to keep the house running smoothly and for taking care of the children so well. You are the other half of the team and it could not function without you at all.

Now if I could only find some way to express these feelings to my own wife...

Errol V.'s Comment
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I think the light conversation will come easily enough. I know you know you have family business to deal with - that needs to be covered in phone conversation if you two call each other. Just don't make it that your Driver "needs" to get home to handle everything right away.

We had the water heater (in the attic!) spring a leak. Fair enough, I got home ASAP. But you will be holding the Fort for several weeks without much reinforcement. Mowing lawns, getting the brakes fixed, taking care of school, etc. on your own as much as possible. And your guy needs to be in on this news. He has a job where they will not take kindly to having to high-tail it home every few weeks for some "emergency". (Think Pioneer Woman)

SAP:

Substance Abuse Professional

The Substance Abuse Professional (SAP) is a person who evaluates employees who have violated a DOT drug and alcohol program regulation and makes recommendations concerning education, treatment, follow-up testing, and aftercare.

OWI:

Operating While Intoxicated

Stephanie D.'s Comment
member avatar

There's definitely a fine limit in communication. If either partner is calling the other with just complaints, well, I wouldn't want to listen to it. When partners aren't together they miss out on all the positive stuff that they would normally experience together. I don't think "Oh don't tell him these things he's stressed" is applicable because no, neither partner gets to just not have to hear about the troubles just because they aren't there. But, people complain about the silliest things. Being mindful of what is being complained about and being supportive are both needed. I really recommend that the other partner find a hobby or even a job of their own if they want or can. Something that gets them out of the house around others instead of just dwelling on the same problems all day. I'd rather hear my partner tell me that they went out and walked dogs at a shelter than I'm lonely, I miss you, and all this negative stuff happened at home day in and day out. It's tedious to hear the same complaints every day. Likewise, I'd rather a trucker tell me about the area they drove through and things they saw versus the company did this to me everyday.

I do try to keep it positive but life in general is not always positive. The kid down the street called me a ***** today, I was supposed to run my dad to the store and didn't, I mean it's not like it is anything that freaking major that I should be put down for.

Stephanie D.'s Comment
member avatar

I think the light conversation will come easily enough. I know you know you have family business to deal with - that needs to be covered in phone conversation if you two call each other. Just don't make it that your Driver "needs" to get home to handle everything right away.

We had the water heater (in the attic!) spring a leak. Fair enough, I got home ASAP. But you will be holding the Fort for several weeks without much reinforcement. Mowing lawns, getting the brakes fixed, taking care of school, etc. on your own as much as possible. And your guy needs to be in on this news. He has a job where they will not take kindly to having to high-tail it home every few weeks for some "emergency". (Think Pioneer Woman)

Errol, I have handled everything that has come my way, to the best of my ability. Him being home or not home has not really changed a lot on the "crap that needs done" list. Now it's just that we're going to have to hire someone and pay more instead of him doing it. I am not the kind of woman that needs constant affirmation, all I'm saying is that if women are lead to believe they are supposed to constantly praise their men for being on the road then the men should keep that in mind when talking to their women and reciprocate. Women go nuts for reciprocation lol

SAP:

Substance Abuse Professional

The Substance Abuse Professional (SAP) is a person who evaluates employees who have violated a DOT drug and alcohol program regulation and makes recommendations concerning education, treatment, follow-up testing, and aftercare.

OWI:

Operating While Intoxicated

Pat M.'s Comment
member avatar

Good for you handling this new lifestyle. I did read and may have commented on your previous thread, I can't remember. Although you were told to keep it light, what I think most were trying to say is not to make every call a gripe session. I may have not gotten the message across correctly either. Of course you need to communicate with your husband about your concerns and difficulties. I am sure there are calls that have gone exactly like that where nothing bad is talked about and then the next call you are frustrated enough to spit... LOL

I think that part of the advice you got before was to actually talk instead of texting back and forth. Talking to another person now days seems to be becoming a lost art. I think it makes it more personal and is better for the two of you. You pick up a lot of things in another persons tone of voice that you can not pick up on in a text message.

Kudos to you. I don't know your husband but don't be surprised that he needs one day where he does absolutely nothing. He may not need it at all. I have those weeks where I get home and for one day I do absolutely nothing at all, except feed the dog. Of course my kids are grown and the wife left a while back so it is just me and Fred!

Good luck to you both and have fun on his week home!

HOS:

Hours Of Service

HOS refers to the logbook hours of service regulations.
Brett Aquila's Comment
member avatar

First of all you may notice if you look back that I deleted a few things from this conversation and I'm really sorry for the what that person said. It was beyond poor taste and at a time when someone came here looking for support. We pride ourselves tremendously on the community we have here and seeing that is mortifying to me. I was at my sister's wedding tonight or it would have been deleted even sooner. My apologies.

Listen, I don't doubt for a moment that suddenly running the household by yourself and not having your husband around has to feel like your world just got turned upside down. And I'm sure your husband feels the same way. I agree with Pat that "keeping it light" didn't mean you could never talk about anything you're upset about. Of course you can, and you should. But stay supportive of each other and keep trying to focus on the positive. Like you said, school is getting ready to start and there's a lot going on. You can be sure at the same time your husband is in over his head out there and probably feels like he's hanging on by a thread not only because of the training but obviously because he's helpless to do anything for his family back home right now.

So help each other stay strong and push through this. It really will get a bit easier as time goes on and hopefully before long he'll have a job where he's home all the time and this will just become a great story to tell others who may be struggling through hard times. You guys will be better for having gone through it.

It's clear how difficult this is for you right now and that just sucks. I feel for you and your entire family....it's tough on everyone, no doubt about it. I wish there was something I could think of to say that would help.

Shaunda P.'s Comment
member avatar

Thank you Brett for your quick response in keeping this forum a safe place.

Stephanie,

As a single woman, I drove solo over the road for several years. Now I am married to a driver and I am "off the road" at home dealing with everything and working full time. We do not have children. Frustration, loneliness, exhaustion and the feeling of being under appreciated are all common for both parties in the relationship.

Trust me, he is lonely too! He is likely feeling inadequate when unable to step in and fix things for you. I wrote the following to myself, in my journal, at a time on the road when I was feeling some of the same basic emotions, for probably different reasons. I hope is helps you and your sweetheart to approach all aspects of your relationship with love, peace, acceptance and respect.

9/14/04 Sometimes in the paths of life we encounter some hills that are rather difficult to climb. When we are low on the spiritual, physical, mental and emotional fuel required for the climb we end up staying at the bottom. Once in a while the stay at the bottom of the hill is a form of rest. Other times it is a form of hell, damnation, death or annihilation.

There are valuable riches to be found in those places throughout life. We tend to speed through life and forget to slow down and let our personal angels and life lessons catch up with us. Taking the time to absorb and metabolize what we have learned and combining that with who we are in our essence allows us to continue up the hill with a renewed sense of our personal goals, desires and aspirations.

I would invite you to be aware, while at the bottom of this hill (sometimes it seems like a pit that goes as deep as the center of the earth), you have the opportunity to come to know who you are and what your values are about. Test those values, stretch yourself and absorb your life lessons thus far.

I believe when we are called to a task it is not simply given to us especially if the task is to care for the souls of the planet such as your calling. There are tests in preparing you for what you have accepted.

In your own time take a rest from your weariness, frustration, jealousy and anger. Wallowing in hell sometimes has benefits. When you are ready to climb the hill, you will.

Love, hope, faith and peace are waiting patiently.

Over The Road:

Over The Road

OTR driving normally means you'll be hauling freight to various customers throughout your company's hauling region. It often entails being gone from home for two to three weeks at a time.

HOS:

Hours Of Service

HOS refers to the logbook hours of service regulations.

OWI:

Operating While Intoxicated

Stephanie D.'s Comment
member avatar

Stephanie, I can tell you are a great wife and mother, and I am positive that your man does appreciate you, even if he doesn't express it as well as he should. We men are just crappy at stuff like that. I'm sure deep down he has these feelings like, "I can't live without you," "you are the love of my life," I appreciate you so much and am so thankful that I found you," etc. But it's very difficult for men to actually express these sentiments for some reason. It's just the way we're wired I guess. But rest assured, he loves you.

So on behalf of your husband, let me just say that your hard work and commitment are incredibly appreciated. Thank you for everything you do to keep the house running smoothly and for taking care of the children so well. You are the other half of the team and it could not function without you at all.

Now if I could only find some way to express these feelings to my own wife...

Just say to her what you just said to me lol. Thank you for your kind words. <3

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