This Is Why I Never Want Home Time EVER!

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Reaper's Comment
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So last night after i got through walking consistently 12 miles working as a housekreeper in the emergancy department, i was greeted by my fiances step father going through the kitchen and putting his new pots pans nd tupperware away and organized. This was at 445. Instead of sitting down for even a few minutes to try to alieviate my feet's soreness, i asked what i couod do to help. So i stood there holding a trashbag as he threw stuff away not that massive of an issue. He was in a relatively good mood. (No yelling throwing stuff of making me feel like junk so thats good)

I leave to pick my fiance up because at 24 years old she has no license only a permit (after we met) because apparently according to her step father (driving is a privilage not a right. ) so he didnt let her mom bring her onto the roads to teach her. And now that all this time has passed her mom is convinced itsher daughters failt not her husbands or any fault of her own.

Anyways back to picking her up. I warn her that he is redoing the kitchen and were having left overs tonight. She sighed because we both know where this is going to go, and go quickly.

We get back to the house at around 645 or so. Her mom asked if we could pick up milk and coffee creamer so we did. Extra time out of the house ill never pass that up. We walk inside and he seems slightly frustrated you can tell by the swearing. She goes to bring the milk and cream into the kitchen but he yells at her to back up and stay out of the kitchen because "you f-ing think you can get to the fridge with all of the s$^% in the way?!" Do i grab the milk and creamer and i just stand there in the door way so she doesnt grt yelled at again. He goes off on me "did you f-ing not just hear what i told michelle? Give me a minute." I just keep standing in the door way and eait for him to clean the floor a bit. I barely get to the fridge but theres no room because they love to keep things until they forget about them. Half a fridgr cleaning later we put the milk and creamer in.

The time is now 715. Michelle is trying to find a spot to sit down because theres no room in the kitchen for her to clean with me and him. She picks up a stack of strainer, and two pyrex dishes and was going to put them on the table. He gors off on her screaming now that she shouldnt be moving that stuff because itll fall and shell f things up. At this point im outside at the trash and recycling barrels across the 25 foot driveway and i hear him and her screaming at each other now. I grt back in and three cardboard boxes hit my foot (i was clearly there he just didnt care) she looks at me and in front of him says take your mom up on the offer for the apartment. (He royally hates my family)

Today im going to call my parents on my break to figure things out. What does this mean for trucking? It looks to me like i might just be grtting winter trainign after all. (Very good chance im leaving before april now.)


Operating While Intoxicated

Brett Aquila's Comment
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From time to time you will come across situations in life where the best possible thing you can do is walk away quietly. You reach a point where there's nothing left to say and no reason to keep trying to hammer a square peg through a round hole. They obviously don't want you guys there, you obviously don't want to be there, and it would probably be easier at this point to live in your car or with a friend or pretty much anywhere but there.

I have no idea who is right or wrong or any of that and it really doesn't matter. In a way it's like having an allergy to cats. It doesn't matter if it's your fault or the cat's fault or God's fault. All that matters is that you get the heck away from that cat because it's not working for you!


Jason G.'s Comment
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I am not aware of your entire situation, but agree that it's best to just be chill about it all and leave. It's sad because family shouldn't be like that. My one concern if it were me would be leaving for trucking knowing my girlfriend doesn't have a license and may have issues being independent that way when you go. My wife's family was like that where her and her sisters didn't get their drivers licenses until much later than most teenagers. I wonder if you have time to help her get that situation situated before you go so that if you have a car and she has her license she'll be all set when you get into trucking. For my own situation we have been a one car family and it's been hard for my wife to be independent with me having regular day job. So now that I'm getting ready for trucking, we have a lot of peace about me being gone knowing she'll be able to use the car and have that independence of getting to and from work or the store, etc.


Operating While Intoxicated

Kat's Comment
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Oh man...I feel for you. I have been out on the road (training and now solo) for the past 6 months, and most of the time when I go home, I wish I had just stayed away. Now though, that home drama has followed me back out, and not a day goes by without an angry phone call or text that upsets me. I finally just had to tell my family that I can't deal with the BS out here AND drive safely. It is just too distracting and caused me to have a near miss recently with another vehicle.

Truckin Along With Kearse's Comment
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I'm going to be the witch here. You are both adults. You don't need to figure things out with her parents or yours. If you want to move then move. If you can't support yourselves independently of your families, then the problem is your own, not theirs.

It is MICHELLEs fault she doesnt have a license. Not the step dads. My mother refused to "let" any of us get licenses. My sister Rhonda then moved out at 18 and got a license. I paid a driving school at 18 and got a license, bought my own car and paid insurance etc. My other siblings waited til later. But by 24, if Michelle wanted one she would have one.

You keep complaining about this guy and the home life. Point blank--move. Dont give us the "we are there to help them with $900 per month". Cause you might be shocked to realize it might be costing them way more than $900 per month to feed you, deal with the increased water consumption, hot water, heat and electricity. Having another driver in the house might be increasing his car insurance even though you aren't on his policy. (Its that way in my state).

So what if he wants to make a mess in HIS kitchen, with HIS pyrex. Let him. I'm assuming you don't sleep in the kitchen, so why not just go in the other room? If you have to walk thru the kitchen, then was there another door from the outside that you could avoid the kitchen?

Here's an example of cost of living for me in NJ person: 1/BDRM apt $1250 per month. Electric $150 per month (up to $350 in summer cause of air), Cable/internet $150/per month, food $250 per month. Cell phone $80, car payment $400, car insurance $180/ gas for car $50

That's already more than $2500 and doesn't include clothes, entertainment, car maintenance. and if the rent doesn't include heat and hot water then it could be another $400 per month.

If its a house then you need to add $1000 per month in property taxes, water and sewer, upkeep... Not to mention home owners insurance and much more. (Don't forget a much higher mortgage payment). God forbid someone have RX or.medical bills.

So $900 per month is a good deal. You both seem to think he owes you...but it is quite possible he thinks you owe him...and possible he is trying to teach her...if not both of you, responsibility. In the meantime, its not working. Because instead of you saying "let's move" you said "let's go run to my parents" and it was said in front of him as if it was going to bother or hurt him. Which in and of itself is an immature action.

If I was him..I'd say "go. Live your lives". Cause sometimes people need to be pushed into reality. If you truly think her not having a license at 24 is his still haven't faced reality.

And out here...everything will be your fault and responsibility. There won't be anyone to blame in a big rig.

I can understand being tired after work and having sore can the rest of america. Thats not going to make you special or conjure up sympathy. Neither does paying $900 for rent.

Either make changes to your lives to get out of there or stop complaining for the choice you made to stay. I can totally see this guy's frustration in the situation cause my sister is in the same boat with her kids and their gfs/wives.

If you want to use grown up words like " fiancee" then take control of your life instead on being dependent on everyone else. Get your own pyrex and own kitchen. No one needs to "let" you.

If you fail the CDL whose fault will it be? The trainers? Or the step fathers for distracting and aggravating you?


Commercial Driver's License (CDL)

A CDL is required to drive any of the following vehicles:

  • Any combination of vehicles with a gross combined weight rating (GCWR) of 26,001 or more pounds, providing the gross vehicle weight rating (GVWR) of the vehicle being towed is in excess of 10,000 pounds.
  • Any single vehicle with a GVWR of 26,001 or more pounds, or any such vehicle towing another not in excess of 10,000 pounds.
  • Any vehicle, regardless of size, designed to transport 16 or more persons, including the driver.
  • Any vehicle required by federal regulations to be placarded while transporting hazardous materials.


Hours Of Service

HOS refers to the logbook hours of service regulations.
Vendingdude's Comment
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Rainey forgot to add:


Reaper's Comment
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Your absolutely right rainy. Its her fault that when she did recieve driving tiem with her parents they screamed at her to the point that she has ptsd when i try to teach her. Its my fault for not giving my fiance the middle finger and telling them all to screw off and leaving because she doesnt have a place to go to if she were kicked out. Its my fault that every day he calls me f-d up and f-ing stupid and completely selfish when i want to do one load of laundry per MONTH. Completely my fault. Absolutely right. Also my fault for having plans made weeks in advanced and then having to call to cancel them at the last second (hour before i had to leave) because they dont want me to because they got stuff they wanted me to do but never bothered to inform me and expect me to drop all my plans last minute. To be honest, i completely regret moving in with them for the first time and staying after my son passed the second. First was to help michelle get out of there which i suceeded in. Its her fault they call her worthless and useless. Thats just the reality of the world right?

Lastly i am sorry i struck a nerve rainy, but honestly, we arent looking for people to feel bad or give us hand outs. Ive talked with my parents and they had offered to pay rent for an apartment the first year to help us get on our feet. To me thats family, and support. I dont know where you grew up, but if what we are going through really sounds like love, support and caring family, then i will never set foot in that town ever.

Sorry if i offended anyone, or got people angry, i just figured this site could have been used for venting and communication. I also know that people were trying to get me to leave earlier than april so i thought theyd be happy we might be leaving earlier.

Gladhand's Comment
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Rainy already hit what should be said and that's nuts, talking about cost of living in NJ btw. In rural New Mexico where I live it's about 800 a month with rent, utilities, and even Internet! Big reason I'll probably stay in my home state if I ever settle down.

Also reaper, do what you got to do bud. Swallow your pride and put up with them or make the moves and get the hell out of there. Stop lookin for us to make the decision for you.

It's simple, call the recruiter. Get a date set up, and get after it!

Rick S.'s Comment
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Sorry if i offended anyone, or got people angry, i just figured this site could have been used for venting and communication. I also know that people were trying to get me to leave earlier than april so i thought theyd be happy we might be leaving earlier.

We're not offended per se'. And here's partly the message I was trying to get across in one of the other (many) threads I've responded to you on.

We REALLY REALLY REALLY want to help you get your career in trucking started. And while most of us can sympathize/empathize/whatever-athize with your plight - this is not an open psychology forum or a self-help-12-step forum for you to vent your personal stuff, where it's NOT RELATED TO TRUCKING.

We just can't be all things to all people, and after a bit, people are going to become frustrated and the kids gloves come off.

We REALLY REALLY DO want to see you get a career in trucking. If you try and keep your questions and conversations on topic - you'll probably see much less negativity coming your way from folks that are normally very helpful folk.

Just sayin...


George G.'s Comment
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Reaper, I am sorry you have to deal with the environment that you are in. As far as the licensing issue with your fiance I believe you are right. The age at which someone can first obtain their permit they do need their parent or guardians permission and approval because they are not legally adults yet. Once an individual becomes of age to be considered an adult they then need to find someone who is willing to teach them to drive. I only know the laws of Virginia but they need 40 hours of driving with a licensed adult, 10 of which must take place at night. That is a big commitment for anyone to make to help someone learn to drive. While it may be unfortunate that your fiancee was unable to get her license it sounds like you guys are on the right track with the permit. I think you should encourage her to learn to drive and acquire her license. I did so with a good friend of mine and she was happier than ever when she got her license. It gave her a great sense of freedom. If I were you I would do everything in my power to get out of that negative environment and focus on the future.

I hope it all works out for you, good luck.

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