Can You Go Home Again?

Topic 22696 | Page 1

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Jeremy C.'s Comment
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So, thought it was just me. But tonight I talked with someone I've gotten rather close with. And due to some unfortunate events, he is now at home awaiting a new Lead Driver.

(Please don't ask, the irony is already too much. He did something very hard and very brave. He deserves a pat on the back and a new trainer. End of story.)

But he's currently experiencing something very similar to what I experienced a few days ago. Getting home seemed like such a great thing - until I actually walked through the door. And suddenly it didn't feel like home anymore. Everything looked and felt familiar - but for the first time I can ever remember, I felt more like a guest than... Than whatever. I actually came very close to asking if I could use the bathroom. WTF?!?!

It wasn't anything on my wife's part (at least I don't think so) but I just didn't feel like I was at home. I've only been gone for about a month or so, and couldn't wait to be home again. At some point. But then that day came and it was like nothing I could have imagined.

My buddy is currently feeling the same thing right now and when he started to tell me about it I almost jumped out of my seat - it's not just me! So he was the first one I have said anything about this to, only because he said it first. I've been too confused, scared, embarrassed to say anything. Just rookie jitters or something like that.

But now I'm really curious if anyone else has felt or experienced something similar...

Will it be like this every time I go home? Is this just something you get used to? Do I even still have a home?

I got into this career with a lot of support and blessings, and had really high hopes for what I thought would be the positive aspects of an awesome job. But I'm more than a little concerned about what just happened. Especially since I'm not the only one to experience it.


And now, me with a big ol' grin, I hear G-Town telling me to stop overthinking it. LoL. Well, at least I still feel at home here!

Old School's Comment
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Jeremy, here's the hard truth. I love going home to see my wife and family. I'm just getting back on the road today after being with them, but...

Your new lifestyle changes some dynamics at home. Their lives continue on as they were, only without you there. When you do get to be home, that doesn't change anything about their schedules or plans. You literally are like an unexpected guest arriving into the middle of everything they have going on. It is something you're going to have to come to grips with. My wife and I have gotten better at it over the years, but it's something that is tricky for all of us.

I try to always realize that they can't stop their lives everytime I happen to show up. It's a struggle, but you'll figure it out. You have to try and put yourself in their shoes if possible, and just be as easy going as you can so that you don't intrude or interfere with the things they already have going. It's an uneasy feeling that you'll get better at dealing with over time.

Try to make home time about them, and not about you. That's the best way I know how to put it.

Jeremy C.'s Comment
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The "hard truth" is a bit sobering...

Thanks Old School. I'm grateful I have somewhere I can ask about this sort of thing and get a no BS response.

I'm sure if I looked around here, there's plenty of info on this very topic. Just never looked cause I thought we (wifey and I) discussed much of this already and I somehow thought I was some sort of exception. Well... SURPRISE!!!

I should be up there trying to sleep and preparing for a 5am departure. Instead I'll probably spend most of the night wondering just WTH I've went and done.

Well, no turning back now...

Thanks again, Old School.

∆_Danielsahn_∆'s Comment
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I experienced the same thing, and sometimes, it still feels awkward. Mostly, it is when i am talking with my wife, while on the road. When I got home a couple days ago, I felt the difference. However, by the time I leave, in a few hours, all is right with the world again. It is an adjustment, one I am still going through, and I expect it to last a long time. But it is worth it. In some ways, it has allowed me to see my wife in a new light. My respect, and love for her, is that much, stronger, and deeper. I have my honey do lists, still, and that even helps normalize things, too.

Junkyard Dog's Comment
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I've heard soldiers talk about this upon their returning home from deployment. It's like they feel they are not head of the house anymore... Yes the household Dynamics definitely change.

Big Scott (CFI Driver/Tra's Comment
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My first time home after being gone for about 3 months, I felt the same way. My wife stays home except for work or food, however, our house felt more like hers. It doesn't anymore.

Jeremy C.'s Comment
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Trying to fall asleep last night and thinking pretty heavy. A few things came to mind:

1. Thinking that we could honestly or intelligently discuss things before I even left for training was a huge mistake. Even with the best information available (the trucking truth) neither if us really had any idea what we were both jumping into here.

2. She has probably had to deal with almost as much adjustment as me. There's no way she could have come close to preparing for this herself.

3. There's really no undoing it now. Even though this is the coolest job ever, I didn't pursue this just to be cool. I wanted to change to another viable career. And being that this is one of the last merit-based jobs available, with a real short entry track, it was (and still is) a no-brainer.

4. I hope this doesn't sound too needy or touchy-feely, but it's sure a hell of a lot easier to face knowing I'm not the only one to experience this.



Operating While Intoxicated

G-Town's Comment
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Jeremy wrote:

And now, me with a big ol' grin, I hear G-Town telling me to stop overthinking it. LoL. Well, at least I still feel at home here!

Not this time.

What you experienced is real. I dealt with it the first few months. Rather un-nerving. It does get better, but never exactly the same. It's an adjustment period.

Like we frequently stress; "communication". Not only important for the job, but with family dynamics just as important.

Jeremy C.'s Comment
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Like we frequently stress; "communication". Not only important for the job, but with family dynamics just as important.

I suppose I really need to address this with her at some point. I'm not sure who else she could talk to if things felt different for her, too. Which they probably did. Guess I've been a little too wrapped up in my own disorientation to think of her.

And once again, there's G-Town's famous, straight-to-the-point advice. I really need to talk with her. But I'll have to wait until later. Don't want her taking one more distraction to work with her.

Thanks, G-Town!

Old School's Comment
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Jeremy, I've always taken the approach that this lifestyle of mine is more difficult on the people I leave at home than it is for me. That's why I gave this previous advice...

Try to make home time about them, and not about you. That's the best way I know how to put it.
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