A New Trucker’s Wife, On A Rollercoaster Ride Of Emotions…

Topic 22703 | Page 1

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Rebecca C.'s Comment
member avatar

So, I’ve been trying to figure out a way to get out how I’ve been feeling, what I’ve been going through, all of the above. I have finally gathered up enough nerve to start a thread and see what happens. My father passed away just over a month ago. One week later, I was taking hubby to Iowa to start his CDL adventure. Within one week, the two most important men in my life were gone. It was the final decision, well discussion dad had with hubby, he was to get his butt to trucking school. And so, it was demanded by the chief so off we go! Now hubby and I had been preparing for him going away, we just were sorting things out and then boom, overdrive it all went. We talked about what him going away actually meant, I would be in charge of the household for a bit. A whole new bit of responsibilities. No problem. I have been taking care of things at the household but on top of it, I am helping take care of my mother’s house, and missing my husband terribly. I am super busy but feeling very alone. I thought I was prepared for it to all happen, but wow, it’s a little different than I imagined. I am figuring out how to stay positive, I am so very excited and proud of my husband. He has completed all training, got his CDL, and has already driven from California to Maryland! So very proud!! To say it’s been a whirlwind of emotions is an understatement. I cry every day, for my father, for missing my hubby, for being so proud. A roller coaster of ups and downs.

I know hubby is going through a whirlwind of emotions as well. Leaving home, missing pops, starting a new adventure, not knowing the outcome, a wee bit of stress! Figuring out what a new normal is. He’s exhausted, and excited all in one. He is a trucking man! He posted in the General Discussion section a thread about being able to go home again. We had a very brief moment this past weekend and he came home, but he said, he almost felt like a guest at home. He was home but it was definitely different. It took me by surprise to read that and broke my heart all at the same time. Yes, life is continuing to go on while he is out on the road, but home will always be home, just have to work on making sure it always feels like that for him.

We have great conversations when we get a moment to talk. We both stay as encouraging and positive on the phone. We both are learning to adjust and find our flow. It seems, these forums have became a great way to share and get things off our chest, and express ourselves. This new adventure is such a blessing, overwhelming, but a huge blessing. Just trying to figure out ways to remember the blessings, stay sane, and get adjusted. Thank you to those who took the time to read this extremely long, probably all over the place, expression of emotions. Just a new trucking wife, working on figuring things out. You can feel free to let me know if I am going totally insane, or perhaps I am perfectly normal, either way, I appreciate you listening. :)

CDL:

Commercial Driver's License (CDL)

A CDL is required to drive any of the following vehicles:

  • Any combination of vehicles with a gross combined weight rating (GCWR) of 26,001 or more pounds, providing the gross vehicle weight rating (GVWR) of the vehicle being towed is in excess of 10,000 pounds.
  • Any single vehicle with a GVWR of 26,001 or more pounds, or any such vehicle towing another not in excess of 10,000 pounds.
  • Any vehicle, regardless of size, designed to transport 16 or more persons, including the driver.
  • Any vehicle required by federal regulations to be placarded while transporting hazardous materials.

HOS:

Hours Of Service

HOS refers to the logbook hours of service regulations.

OWI:

Operating While Intoxicated

Big Scott's Comment
member avatar

My wife feels the same. She is missing me more than she ever thought she would. She handles everything at home, however, I pay all the bills. We talk daily and I usually go home every 6 to 8 weeks.

I lost my dad while out on the road. My company got me to Long Island, NY in time for the funeral and to be with my family. My wife could not make the trip to NY. This made it harder for me. She just had an emergency surgery and my company got me right home.

I'm sorry for your loss. Is there any way in the future for you to go on the road with your husband?

Unfortunately this separation is something that trucking families deal with. Good luck. Also, if you post in the general section, you will get more responses.

Rebecca C.'s Comment
member avatar

Thanks Big Scott for your response, I'm sorry for your loss as well! Hoping to get out on the road with hubby at some point, but with the current company he is with he will be doing team driving, so I'm not sure if that is a possibility. Another concern I had been wondering about was what if there was a family emergency, or a situation that he needed to be home for, would he be able to. I'm glad to hear that you were able to be there when needed, it puts my mind a little more at ease that it could be a possibility for him to be here as well if something were to come up. Just curious, when you do get home time, about how long are you there for? Does it vary depending on the amount of time you are out? I appreciate your response, and your feedback. I am still trying to sort out what to post where, so thank you for letting me know about the general discussion area! Safe travels to you, and thank you for letting me know that these feelings are normal, it's a new normal. :)

Rainy D.'s Comment
member avatar

Hi. you are both insane and normal lol.

as far as home time.policy, each company is different and you need to ask your husband , who should have told you what that policy is. you can probably find it on CRST's website.

with family emergency, he is teaming so could get home very quickly in the event of an emergency. I was in training at prime and flew home to NJ from FL for my mom. due to having a team mate, it is always possible he could catch a flight and not have to worry about the truck going back to a terminal. keep in mind that your idea of an emergency could be different than the company's. for example, needing him home because your cousins husbands sister died, or the dog is sick is not going to fly.

it will take him a bit to adjust. when i go home i want to sleep the whole first day. the second day i stock my truck do the laundry and eat at all my favorite restaurants with my mom i then spend a couple days with my sisters family and go to the movies with my brother. OTR then starts again way too soon.

with all the social media you are never that far away. i was engaged to an army infantry guy who was deployed to iraq and afghanistan for most of our 8 years together. THAT was tough...but very similar. the need to rest when he comes home and the not wanting to plan anything is common. Feeling detached as if everyones life went on without him is common.

do things to incorporate him into your life. that is hard while teaming due to lack of privacy....but cook dinner or clean the house while skyping. that sounds weird, but if he was home you would be talking to him while actively doing those things. include him the way you normally would. send him voice messages the way women used to put love.notes in lunch boxes. heck, when he comes home, get a hotel room..with a jacuzzi and room.service for special couple time. sharing exclusive time together could help you reconnect. on neutral territory since the home felt a little foreign to him and "yours not his". if he says he is tired, believe him. he isnt losing interest in you. he is exhausted. especially the first six months or so. if he forgets your birthday, it is probably because he doesnt even kmow what day of the week it is. When teaming you go to sleep in Florida and wake up in Virgina. Time flies.

do not put pressure on him or.make him feel guilty for being gone...he already does. you said you lost both of the men in your life at the same time. not true....you lost your dad....you have my condolemces. Your hubby has been busting his butt to make a better life for you. and although you may feel like he is gone, he isnt. stick it out the year he has to do with the company and if he chooses to change companies later, choose one with a rider policy for you to go with him from time to time, or permanently if you choose. Jeremys a great guy, i know that just from his posts. So i know you know that being his wife. if he has to worry about you and your dependece or your love for him, he wont be able to do this. you need to be strong. you need to make sure you arent arguing while he is driving, because disrractions of home could cause accidents and end his career or worse. not trying to scary you, but the home spouse needs to assure the aeay spouse that you can work together as a team.

you will both suffer insecurities. but...you are both totally worth the sacrifices tge other needs to make for this. hang in there and be good to each other.

Terminal:

A facility where trucking companies operate out of, or their "home base" if you will. A lot of major companies have multiple terminals around the country which usually consist of the main office building, a drop lot for trailers, and sometimes a repair shop and wash facilities.

OTR:

Over The Road

OTR driving normally means you'll be hauling freight to various customers throughout your company's hauling region. It often entails being gone from home for two to three weeks at a time.

HOS:

Hours Of Service

HOS refers to the logbook hours of service regulations.

OOS:

When a violation by either a driver or company is confirmed, an out-of-service order removes either the driver or the vehicle from the roadway until the violation is corrected.

Big Scott's Comment
member avatar

I drive solo with CFI. Teaming is not for me. CFI has a liberal home time and rider policy.

Rebecca C.'s Comment
member avatar

Hi Rainy! Thank you so very much for all your insight! First things first, I really appreciate you taking the time to respond to so many of these posts, I know your schedule is quite hectic, but you taking the time out to help those beginning get a little more comfortable, or at least better understand what is going on or what is to be expected means a lot! Thank you! Second, It’s good to know that I am both insane and normal! LOL! There are just so many emotions going on, it is somewhat refreshing learning that I am not unique, this is common.

Yes, hubby is quite a great guy! I am so very proud of him, he is out there making things happen! I understand the most important way to show support for him is staying positive and keep encouraging him. He has quite a bit more on his plate than I do. When he does make it home, this is his time to decompress, get that sleep he so needs, and take care of whatever other things he needs to. My job is to make it as comfortable as possible! ☺

I have been processing so many things over the last couple of days, and I will say, after reading more on here and hearing what you have to say, I know things are going to be rough, but they will level off. I know I haven’t lost both men in my life, one is just a phone call away, the other is watching over us both and protecting us along the way. I will continue to do my best to stay positive and keep things flowing as they should. When hubby comes home next, I may try the hotel idea…. It could be a great get a way for both! He can sleep and I can chill in the hot tub!

Thank you so very much for your feedback, I truly appreciate it! Stay safe out there!!

HOS:

Hours Of Service

HOS refers to the logbook hours of service regulations.

OWI:

Operating While Intoxicated

Rainy D.'s Comment
member avatar

You are very very welcome. When i started, Old School.was one of my biggest helps....and many Prime drivers. I had an accident and when a Prime driver helped me calm.down, he made me.promise to pay it forward so that is what i do.

If you havent read the blog posts yet, check.them out. Heres one i wrote about culture shock. One huge thing in trucking is the student doesnt know what he doesnt know. After you get the hang of this it is quite easy...can be frustrating but still fairly easy.

You inspired my next article lol...we occassionally have wives and girlfriends who post. some are very demanding and even call dispatch regarding their SO. uh...not a good idea. lol I know one student whose girlfriend heard the GPS talking and got.jealous and didnt talk to him for a week!

i re-read my last comment and it is sort of one sided about how you need to help.him, but he needs to be compassionate of you too. so, coming soon, Relationships and undedstanding for the new trucker lol

Trucking is a total Culture Shock

HOS:

Hours Of Service

HOS refers to the logbook hours of service regulations.
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