Darknes, Then Light!!

Topic 28548 | Page 2

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Turtle's Comment
member avatar

There are so many things wrong with this that I don't know where to begin, but I'll keep it simple. It isn't my intention to come across as harsh, but it may seem that way.

This appears to me to go beyond just a result of your husband's losses. He insisted on going with you to training? He doesn't want to leave because you don't know anything about the city you're in?

Personal tragedy doesn't forgive inexcusable controlling behavior, and your husband is exhibiting such behavior. Here's a chance for you to do something tremendous to help yourself, yet he can't let go of his own insecurities long enough to allow you to do it. Instead of taking the opportunity to lift yourselves up, he wants to keep you down. Roadmasters or May trucking isn't going to change that.

Now add the extra distraction of a brand new puppy to the mix, at a time when you need 100% focus on training. Yeah that's not going to work out too well either.

I'm sorry Bubbles, but this is a perfect recipe for failure, in my opinion. I highly suggest you work on your relationship first, before even thinking about something as commitment intensive as trucking.

if I'm off target in my judgment, then I apologize. But I'm only calling it as I see it from a distance.

All of us here are so rooting for you. We only want to see you succeed, but not to the demise of your marriage. Good luck.

Dm:

Dispatcher, Fleet Manager, Driver Manager

The primary person a driver communicates with at his/her company. A dispatcher can play many roles, depending on the company's structure. Dispatchers may assign freight, file requests for home time, relay messages between the driver and management, inform customer service of any delays, change appointment times, and report information to the load planners.
PJ's Comment
member avatar

I read this last night and too held off commenting. Turtle summed up my thoughts perfectly.

Your husband needs to be completely onboard before you begin. That is the only way you won’t be distracted. I know from very personal experience. Similar thing happened to me back when I started, and it was very distracting. I dealt with it and made it through, but was very hard. I won’t bore you with the details, but believe me at your age and life experience level, this is a perfect storm for failure. None of us here want to see that for you.

Please get your personal life in good shape before jumping into training.

BubblesDhaDrivah's Comment
member avatar

Thank you Turtle and PJ for yall wise words. You guys are right. Even through its gonna hurt me to the core,I will definitely hold off and try to work things out with him. Turtle,the moment that he insist on going with me,I should have known things was going to take a turn for the worse. I had that guy feeling and I let it happen anyway like a fool. This week could have been week 2 going to week 3 next week. Totally and utterly heartbroken. And yes no puppy and material things are going to fill dark shade I have anytime soon until he's 100% aboard with me. Will keep talking to most definitely. And Turtle you definitely did come out harsh. Really needed to read that. PJ your absolutely right. I just hate he went as far as he did and than have me turn back around (hopefully I made since) in two days of being there. In the beginning before I left he was my rooter. I guess when it got real,he got scared. I truely dont know. But i will definitely get things straightened out before I make another step. Hoping for brighter days. Again thank you all for you tremendous words on this important matter.

Stay safe,same & sound

Anne A. (G13MomCat)'s Comment
member avatar

Good post, Bubbles. You really DO need to look within, first. Not just YOUR heart and soul, but that of your household.

I've been 'MEANING' to get my CDL for years; even had my permit once; years ago. My husband actually IS all for it (maybe so 'he' could retire?, haha!) . . . but point being.....it'd take 10 years before I could do what he does, how he does, and make what he does. AND our youngest is still in school (and I homeschool him. Not easy w/ a 16 year old boy.)

The dynamics of a 'relationship' in/while trucking is not something everyone can achieve. Sure wish Susan D. would chime in here; maybe you should (yes, DO!) look up some of her posts, as well.

Just this am, at 1100 when hubby was leaving out for the yard (he didn't bring the rig home last night, but he can if/when he needs/wants to) ... he even said to me.. "Mom, if you ever DO go drive truck, how am I ever gonna hold this home together like you do?!?!" Not being prideful, he probably couldn't . I miss riding with him, but I'll steal one in again (or a few) when this Covid crap is over. No passengers/riders atm. :(

Missy, you know I wish you well..there's just SO much to it, relationship wise. My FB is in my profile.

Take care; best wishes.

Please don't drop off the grid, keep us posted~!

Always, Anne ~ :)

good-luck-2.gifconfused.gifsorry.gif

CDL:

Commercial Driver's License (CDL)

A CDL is required to drive any of the following vehicles:

  • Any combination of vehicles with a gross combined weight rating (GCWR) of 26,001 or more pounds, providing the gross vehicle weight rating (GVWR) of the vehicle being towed is in excess of 10,000 pounds.
  • Any single vehicle with a GVWR of 26,001 or more pounds, or any such vehicle towing another not in excess of 10,000 pounds.
  • Any vehicle, regardless of size, designed to transport 16 or more persons, including the driver.
  • Any vehicle required by federal regulations to be placarded while transporting hazardous materials.
Moe's Comment
member avatar

Bubbles, you may have seen my post about my first trucking job that ended in failure. I'd encourage you to go ready my CDL training diary and read my story.

It took me almost 2.5 years to even get to a place where I could say "I'm ready to do this and commit fully" I am also single with no two legged puppies running around. It still took me 2.5 years to get to a place where I was ready. Changing industries in my 40s, my health issues, my finances, choosing the right path to a cdl, affordable housing giving up my rented condo and moving to a cheaper living situation, relocating out of state after failing to get ky cdl in Oregon, there's more but for time sake I'll hold off. You've already done one of those right pursuing a company paid and sponsored program.

If any of the pieces of the puzzle that is my life hadn't or couldn't be made to fit I wouldn't be doing this.

Listen to these wiser folks who are married and successfully trucking. Work on your relationship first and then do it. Won't do you any good to have a whole bunch of stress at home while trying to do this.

If my homelike was stressful I'd deal with that first before making a huge change like getting into trucking.

CDL:

Commercial Driver's License (CDL)

A CDL is required to drive any of the following vehicles:

  • Any combination of vehicles with a gross combined weight rating (GCWR) of 26,001 or more pounds, providing the gross vehicle weight rating (GVWR) of the vehicle being towed is in excess of 10,000 pounds.
  • Any single vehicle with a GVWR of 26,001 or more pounds, or any such vehicle towing another not in excess of 10,000 pounds.
  • Any vehicle, regardless of size, designed to transport 16 or more persons, including the driver.
  • Any vehicle required by federal regulations to be placarded while transporting hazardous materials.

HOS:

Hours Of Service

HOS refers to the logbook hours of service regulations.

OOS:

When a violation by either a driver or company is confirmed, an out-of-service order removes either the driver or the vehicle from the roadway until the violation is corrected.

Susan D. 's Comment
member avatar

I've been reading this post and all the comments. Any trucking company who trains new drivers knows that new drivers who have a spouse or significant other that's not completely supportive of driving, is pretty much a waste of their time and money. That's why Titan sent you home.

As a trainer, I absolutely cringe when I'm saddled (and yes, I mean SADDLED) with a trainee who has a possessive controlling significant other. There's always drama.. phone calls with yelling and crying, and that driver doesn't have the focus on driving that they must have to succeed and become a safe professional driver.

One of 2 things always happens. The driver either gets sent home or they ditch the significant other and follow their dream. It's extremely rare for these drivers to be successful without extreme challenges.

I cannot even fathom taking someone who has no plan or desire to be a truck driver to a company orientation. Seriously, didn't he have to work? At my company, anyone having an unauthorized person in a motel room on the company's dime would be immediately terminated... same for an unauthorized passenger in a commercial vehicle.

As most here know, my other half was my company trainer. To be honest, we did not begin dating until after I'd finished training and gone solo.. in fact, we argued so much during training, he actually was ready to kick me off his truck... especially after I set the brakes, said more than a few choice words, stormed off and didn't return back to the truck for several hours. He did then and still does infuriate me at times, but for way different reasons lol.

I'm going to tell you exactly what I told a trainee one time. She had an obviously abusing controlling boyfriend. My first clue was the screaming and cursing match via cell phone in less than 30 minutes after she had gotten on my truck. On speaker phone no less!!!

They weren't married yet. He drove a truck and was home daily in Chicago whereas she being very new/inexperienced, needed to be OTR for a minimum of 6 months before she could get the chance to be home daily. They did NOT live together nor did he assist her financially in any way and as an experienced LTL driver, he probably could have helped a little. He wanted her to do anything but drive a truck. Problem is, Chicago is an expensive place to live and she didn't have the education or skills to get a high paying job and struggled financially. I mean really struggled.. like at risk for being evicted and having her car repossessed.

I told her that (I'm way too blunt sometimes) that she didn't deserve to be talked to and treated the way he treated her and unless he was going to put a ring on it and help her financially, then he had no right to say what kind of job she could have. I told her she needed to make up her mind and decide if she really wanted to be a driver or not. She needed to decide if she was going to continue to struggle and let a man who wasn't committed, dictate how she lived her life. I also told her that if she chose a path that he didn't like, that they'd probably be finished. It's a heavy situation for sure. I told her to go home for a day or so and think about it and she did.

I was stunned, but the gal came back, said I was right and she ditched that guy, completed her training, drove regional home weekly and 8 months later was a Chicago local home daily driver.

I also had a trainee who was so insanely jealous and needed to know exactly where her flatbed driver fiance was at all times. She liked speakerphone too. Within a week I asked them to place her with another trainer. I cannot deal with these screaming women on speakerphone in my truck. The day before she tested out to go solo, her so-called fiance GOT MARRIED to someone else. I honestly don't blame the guy because she was really something else. She didn't last long at west side.

Trucking is more than a job. It's a whole different lifestyle. Since your dad and all of his family were drivers, you probably do have a clue of what this path entails. Is your husband really familiar with what this job actually entails? It's not just driving. If he's not 100% supportive of this, if you make it successfully, it will come at a very high price. Just make sure you're willing to pay that price one way or the other, whether it's giving up your dream or giving up someone you obviously love. There is no "halfway in/out" in trucking. It requires a complete commitment to make it through that very challenging and critical first year.

I absolutely wish you the best.

Regional:

Regional Route

Usually refers to a driver hauling freight within one particular region of the country. You might be in the "Southeast Regional Division" or "Midwest Regional". Regional route drivers often get home on the weekends which is one of the main appeals for this type of route.

LTL:

Less Than Truckload

Refers to carriers that make a lot of smaller pickups and deliveries for multiple customers as opposed to hauling one big load of freight for one customer. This type of hauling is normally done by companies with terminals scattered throughout the country where freight is sorted before being moved on to its destination.

LTL carriers include:

  • FedEx Freight
  • Con-way
  • YRC Freight
  • UPS
  • Old Dominion
  • Estes
  • Yellow-Roadway
  • ABF Freight
  • R+L Carrier

OTR:

Over The Road

OTR driving normally means you'll be hauling freight to various customers throughout your company's hauling region. It often entails being gone from home for two to three weeks at a time.

HOS:

Hours Of Service

HOS refers to the logbook hours of service regulations.
BubblesDhaDrivah's Comment
member avatar

Thank you Anne and Moe for your responses. Anne I'm definitely gonna be working more on getting things straighten out in my personal life. You and everyone else has told me,I wouldn't want to leave and have worries while behind the wheel of an 80k machine while miles and miles away from home. Right now I'm accepting the fact that about my situation. Will just have to push it back. Will definitely check out Susan D. Wooh trying to stay calm through is getting alittle difficult. But I'll pull through.

Moe,I'll take you on your offer to read your journey into your career, indeed. Just reading your reply alone,shows you been through ALOT of tough storms into your journey into this industry. Alot of us go through this and it just makes you wonder sometimes,is it really worth. It's just extremely uneasy right now.

Rob T.'s Comment
member avatar

Bubbles it appears you may have been typing as Susan D responded. I just wanted to point that out because she gave excellent examples of what can, and likely will happen if you don't have your significant others support.

My wife has always been 100% of me doing this job. Even as a home daily driver I work very long hours and many days she feels as if she's raising out 3 young children alone. It's still hard on her and she was aware of what we were about to embark on. Her dad recently retired after 40 years driving primarily OTR so she's no stranger to how this career affects families. For the most part she keeps thing very upbeat and positive when on the phone but there are times she gets overwhelmed with the way our kids are behaving and needs to call me to vent. When those calls happen it's never easy for anybody. I'm forced to pull over as soon as possible so I can support my wife emotionally, otherwise I'll be driving and I'm a hazard to everybody on the roadway. I highly encourage you to hold off at this moment until you can get everything taken care of. This job will require 100% of your S/O's support. There will be several times your first year you want to throw the towel in and quit. If you don't have somebody cheering you on giving you the encouragement in those trying times you will end up walking away before you get to experience some of the best aspects of this career. Regardless if you're OTR, Regional , or local most jobs will have you working long, odd hours. There's a reason we consider this a lifestyle. After about 1 year of OTR you will be in a good position to go local where you're home daily and can possibly have a more "normal" life if that's what you're after.

Good luck.

Regional:

Regional Route

Usually refers to a driver hauling freight within one particular region of the country. You might be in the "Southeast Regional Division" or "Midwest Regional". Regional route drivers often get home on the weekends which is one of the main appeals for this type of route.

OTR:

Over The Road

OTR driving normally means you'll be hauling freight to various customers throughout your company's hauling region. It often entails being gone from home for two to three weeks at a time.

HOS:

Hours Of Service

HOS refers to the logbook hours of service regulations.
BubblesDhaDrivah's Comment
member avatar

Thank you Susan D. and Rob T for your replies. Susan D. My husband is more of the worry type (if that makes sense).Yes I totally knew what I was getting myself into before deciding to join the trucking industry. Its something I really wanted to do for a long time. I've also talked to him about for the past 4 years. But I guess it went in one ear,out the other. Since he decided to go with me. He called up his boss (which is his best friend's dad) and told him everything & gave him the ok to go. Should have just went alone in the first place. That's me to blame,seriously. Just utterly heartbroken by it all,just typing about it. And ny goodness you have definitely been there with your trainees that's for sure!! Its disappointing to get so far just to get pushed back off the grid. I have plans for the future most definitely. Wanted to buy my own building for cosmetology in the near future along with buy my very own semi to do take my professionon the road with me. What I mean by that is I'll be doing pop up cosmetology in different cities/states. Trucking was gonna be my main source to save up funds to make this a reality. As of today he's at a 50%-55% on support. Everything else in my personal life is good. Just the hubby is on the panic side of this. Keeping my fingers crossed that in the next few months I'll be able to do what I love. Rob T. I totally agree. Will definitely hold off on this until he is fully supportive of me. The last thing I want is me worrying about what's going on at home and how he's holding up. You and Susan made alot of great points along with everyone on this post. Yes I wanted to do 2 (& some months) on the road before I go local. But after reading everyone's advice & concerns I take in consideration that I will hold off on my trucking career until my husband is fully supportive of me. Will definitely keep in touch with everyone here at TT & update you all every chance I get. You all have truely been amazing on this matter. Until next time stay safe,same and sound.

SAP:

Substance Abuse Professional

The Substance Abuse Professional (SAP) is a person who evaluates employees who have violated a DOT drug and alcohol program regulation and makes recommendations concerning education, treatment, follow-up testing, and aftercare.

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