This May Be It For Me

I want to start off by saying sorry. I am going to try to get this off my chest and explain why I may be leaving trucking and trying to start over maybe go to therapy. I was involved in a fatal car crash resulting in the death of 2 people one woman in her 20s and a teenager. I was in standstill traffic and there was 2 lanes to my right that were splitting and were going way faster then the rest of us. I realized I needed over there and saw in my mirror a car really far back so I decided to go for it blinker turn. I am now starting to speed up because split ain't for another 2miles and this traffic was going the speed limit or so I thought. Hazards on while I speed up then a crashing sound. That car from way back there went right under the trailer. Called 911 both died on impact held up for investigation and the trooper informed me I was in the right and she was estimated to have been going around 100mph instead of the 65 and didn't lock brakes till around 1 sec before impact. 2 dead and I called UPS let them know they are going to be getting a copy of the accident report but they want me to drop off the trailer at the closest UPS terminal and wait to hear back from them. This whole time I was breaking down constantly pulling over from not being able to see as I was crying and I dropped it off truck parked UPS says I am good to start working again but I said I don't know if I want to right now got some PTO. I don't think I ever want to drive again especially in a big rig. I feel overwhelmingly guilty and can't explain how much pain I feel. I haven't been able to stop thinking about how if I just stayed over and let them shoot past they wouldn't be dead. Because of me choosing to get over that second a child and young adult lost there lives. I was told it wasn't my fault but sure doesn't feel like that. I may stop posting I am not sure yet. May stop trucking not sure yet. I am just at a loss for words incredibly sorry and would never mean to cause this.

There are no words. I’m sorry this happened to you Chris. Seeking professional help is a very good idea.

Thoughts and prayers.

Chris,

You will be in my prayers. However what you need to do right away is get into counseling and talk to a professional therapist.

Stay in the group and post to let us know how you are doing.

Laura

Chris, what a terrible tragedy. It’s understandable that you are traumatized by this. Heck, I’m in tears while typing this. Please don’t make any life altering decisions until the dust settles from this accident. By all means get grief counseling and find some people you can trust to help you go through this. If you want another driver to talk to, my number is 608-219-4599. Call anytime, day or night. I hope it’s ok for me to give out my number on TT, but you cannot get through this alone. Find out what resources your company has through your Human Resources department. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Bruce.

I am getting help mentally and ain't making any decisions yet. Thanks for the love and support but please pray more for this family that I just destroyed. I will add your number Bruce and may message but not sure yet. I may check into a hospital or something. I just wish that my truck wouldn't have started or I would have trashed into a wall instead of this heck I wish I just didn't wake up that morning then 2 innocent young people would have been fine and me a trucker that no one cares about would been gone and that would have been the end of this tragedy.

Chris W. I buried my 37 year old son this past summer. Died from meth-amphetamine. He was a Superintendent. He worked his way up from journeyman carpenter to Super. Besides the management of other carpenters, he was a working Super. At the funeral there were 20-30 carpenters. That was nice. So what, now? Therapy- yes- talk to others. Again- TALK it out. I have a small handful of men I have talked to. It’s good the trooper said- you were in the right. A friend said- You never get over it, but you learn to deal with it. He also said, what he was told after his wife died- You need to move on. I’m sure I’ll always ask myself- What more should I have done to help my son? I recently got my DOT physical. I talked to the Dr about drug use, my son’s death, etc, etc. She said- You’re angry. I said- No I’m way beyond angry, I’m furious. I’m thinking- what can I do to help others? I believe a person needs to be positive about life- and that’s my view. My life view is Jesus (God) is 100% in control and 100% sovereign. My email- Scott12sc@gmail.com. I can write more if you’re interested. BTW, got 2 year Med card- Yeaa!

sorry about your son. Just wish she wasn't speeding that much and not paying attention because I wasn't ready to have blood on the back of my trailer and have to wait hours to hear that both were dead in impact. I can only imagine how you felt that wasn't just a stranger so do you have any advice to make the overwhelming pain with every breath go away?

Chris W. I buried my 37 year old son this past summer. Died from meth-amphetamine. He was a Superintendent. He worked his way up from journeyman carpenter to Super. Besides the management of other carpenters, he was a working Super. At the funeral there were 20-30 carpenters. That was nice. So what, now? Therapy- yes- talk to others. Again- TALK it out. I have a small handful of men I have talked to. It’s good the trooper said- you were in the right. A friend said- You never get over it, but you learn to deal with it. He also said, what he was told after his wife died- You need to move on. I’m sure I’ll always ask myself- What more should I have done to help my son? I recently got my DOT physical. I talked to the Dr about drug use, my son’s death, etc, etc. She said- You’re angry. I said- No I’m way beyond angry, I’m furious. I’m thinking- what can I do to help others? I believe a person needs to be positive about life- and that’s my view. My life view is Jesus (God) is 100% in control and 100% sovereign. My email- Scott12sc@gmail.com. I can write more if you’re interested. BTW, got 2 year Med card- Yeaa!

Talk to others- Therapy. Being alone right now is not the best. Options- 1. Tomorrow morning call to set up Therapy appt- Call your Dr- they can give you names. 2, Call 988- this is aFederal program started a few months ago to help with mental stuff. Call them RIGHT NOW, after you read this. 3. Are you involved with a church, etc- Call the leader/ pastor. Personally I hope you don’t quit trucking. But there’s nothing wrong with taking a break. 4. I believe in prayer. I still talk to Jesus about my sons death, and I do cry. 5. If you want to go to emergency room- DO IT.

thank you. I am going to set up a appointment with a therapist tomorrow going to get a hotel room for tonight because I just don't want to sleep in my truck tonight which means I will be taking it. Going to have a week or 2 off With PTO and take my truck home hopefully I can think about trucking again after this without getting nauseous and feeling so guilty and so much pain.

Talk to others- Therapy. Being alone right now is not the best. Options- 1. Tomorrow morning call to set up Therapy appt- Call your Dr- they can give you names. 2, Call 988- this is aFederal program started a few months ago to help with mental stuff. Call them RIGHT NOW, after you read this. 3. Are you involved with a church, etc- Call the leader/ pastor. Personally I hope you don’t quit trucking. But there’s nothing wrong with taking a break. 4. I believe in prayer. I still talk to Jesus about my sons death, and I do cry. 5. If you want to go to emergency room- DO IT.

Chris,

Going to see a therapist is a great step forward. Even though the crash wasn’t your fault it is causing you a great deal of guilt laden stress. A therapist can help you work through this.

Don’t make any career decisions at the moment. Wait and see how you respond therapy. Then with the help of your therapist make the decision that is best for you and don’t look back whatever the decision.