Need Help With Issue

Thanks for the replies. I don’t think good training for 30-45 days is worth me being this uncomfortable when I could get good training and be comfortable. I would be more comfortable with a trainer that has a bad temper than be in this situation. Also, a woman trainer would be just fine, I don’t care. I don’t agree that this is the same as politics and religion because your normal can’t see somebody’s politics or religion. You can definitely see this as it’s being flaunted in my face daily. In today’s culture with the SJW and the “if you don’t agree with me then you’re wrong” crowd I’m a little hesitant to ask for a new trainer when the reason is obvious. The problem is the over the top flamboyance, daisy dukes, flirting, and just the in general man trying to be a woman. It’s absolutely disgusting. If I say one wrong word to him or to my driver manager I could be seen as being homophobic. This ultra sensitive world we now live in makes things more tricky. I just can’t call my driver manager and honestly tell him how I feel. I have to carefully craft my sentences which is ridiculous.

It's being flaunted?

Or is he just doing what he does and trusting other people to do what they do?

If this dude is not flirting with you or otherwise leaning on the power imbalance of trainer-trainee... then buckle down and stay busy. If he does do this, or lean on the power imbalance, especially after having an honest conversation about boundaries with him, then you have a very clean line on which to request another trainer.

The issue I’m having is he is gay, very flamboyant, and very emotional. He wears makeup, wears very short shorts on the truck, sometimes wears halter tops, etc. Several times he has flirted with truckers over the CB calling them honey, baby, cutie, etc. Its driving me absolutely crazy! I’m just very uncomfortable with this situation. He’s been a pretty good trainer but I don’t want to be around this for 30-45 days. I was raised with values that don’t support/agree with his lifestyle and I don’t want to be living with him in a box for this long.

My guess is you were raised in a Christian household, and otherwise not exposed to what sounds like the stereotypical embracement of an LGBTQ+ individual. I'm not super comfortable with the open flamboyance either, so I understand where you're coming from there. At the same time most of my social circle (and at least one immediate family member) exists somewhere under that umbrella so in complete honesty I think there are facets of this where prejudice come in to play.

tl;dr: I don't think you're off in wanting to ask for another trainer, but... how long will that take? If you sit for two weeks waiting on a trainer, that's almost half the time you have left with this driver. How much your comfort is worth needs to be balanced against how quickly you want to go solo and really get your career on the road.

(This is a very fraught topic, and I am sorry if I pushed any buttons. Even with my friends all being who they are, I think I would be having the same thoughts as you, so I wish you the best of luck with an equitable resolution.)

The problem is the over the top flamboyance, daisy dukes, flirting, and just the in general man trying to be a woman. It’s absolutely disgusting. If I say one wrong word to him or to my driver manager I could be seen as being homophobic.

Well you are, so...

Why would you say that? He's stating he's uncomfortable with the conduct of this (obviously) highly sexualized individual. That doesn't make him homophobic.

Case in point: Many years ago I drove a van delivering pharmaceuticals. The guy training me for a week was constantly telling dirty jokes (actually reading them to me from a collection he put together), giving details of acts with women he said he'd been with; even boasting on how he cheated on his wife. I had enough and told him to knock it off. He didn't. I reported him to management and he was terminated for sexual harassment.

The OP is asking for advice. The last thing he needs is self-righteous judgment from someone who isn't exposed to it.

Thanks for the replies. I don’t think good training for 30-45 days is worth me being this uncomfortable when I could get good training and be comfortable. I would be more comfortable with a trainer that has a bad temper than be in this situation. Also, a woman trainer would be just fine, I don’t care. I don’t agree that this is the same as politics and religion because your normal can’t see somebody’s politics or religion. You can definitely see this as it’s being flaunted in my face daily. In today’s culture with the SJW and the “if you don’t agree with me then you’re wrong” crowd I’m a little hesitant to ask for a new trainer when the reason is obvious. The problem is the over the top flamboyance, daisy dukes, flirting, and just the in general man trying to be a woman. It’s absolutely disgusting. If I say one wrong word to him or to my driver manager I could be seen as being homophobic. This ultra sensitive world we now live in makes things more tricky. I just can’t call my driver manager and honestly tell him how I feel. I have to carefully craft my sentences which is ridiculous.

Honestly, you are right. It is a tricky situation. Even though I say I would stick it out, I am also not there and in your shoes. And I agree, that being viewed as homophobic, would be a concern of mine too. I personally don't care what anyone's sexual preference is, your life, your body, your happiness - I don't have to agree with it - it isn't my life. But at the same time, I don't want it in my face all day long. So I understand where you are coming from.

It may be tricky, but if you approach your driver manager, I would simply say that you have learned from your current trainer, but there is a personality conflict that is making you uncomfortable and you believe it would be beneficial to be reassigned to a new trainer.

Ultimately it appears you already know what you want to do, but you need to find a way to do it without it appearing homophobic. It is a sensitive issue, and I believe if you can just state is a personality conflict you are avoiding the details.

But I also have to say, the open flirting, the daisy dukes, the 'sweetie" and "cutie" remarks and such - actually can be considered a hostile work environment, or sexual harassment even, regardless of sexual orientation - and even if he is not directing it at you. I didn't think about that until after I posted earlier.

The truth is - you are uncomfortable - and it should be addressed. You have given it all the chance it deserved, and it is not something that will improve.

Ok I figure a “moderator” would have a bit more input instead of trying to be a smart a$$. If your comment was true I would have never gotten on the truck as it was obvious from the very beginning. There’s a difference between hating somebody because of the way they are or being uncomfortable. If being uncomfortable in your eyes makes me homophobic, so be it.

Keith, I was raised in a conservative home in Texas. I have been around plenty of gay people in my other career and school and it doesn’t bother me. I don’t agree with it, but that doesn’t matter. I treat everybody with respect. There’s a difference between normal behavior and just being brash and flaunting. A cutoff shirt and short, short shorts is flaunting in my opinion. As is flirting on the CB. No, he has never crossed the line with me.

Why would you say that?

Because the attitude and behavior he's exhibiting is the very definition of homophobia. But that doesn't make him a bad person, and I'm certainly not judging him for feeling him the way he does. He's entitled to feel any way he wants.

I was raised with values that don’t support/agree with his lifestyle

I believe if the guy is a good trainer, who cares about his lifestyle or how he conducts himself?

Keith, I was raised in a conservative home in Texas. I have been around plenty of gay people in my other career and school and it doesn’t bother me. I don’t agree with it, but that doesn’t matter. I treat everybody with respect. There’s a difference between normal behavior and just being brash and flaunting. A cutoff shirt and short, short shorts is flaunting in my opinion. As is flirting on the CB. No, he has never crossed the line with me.

[nods] I get you. If it's the flamboyance or openness of his behavior then... honestly I think you're just gonna have to suck it up unless you want to make a bigger issue of it than it actually is. If it's the fact he's gay and exhibits it in this specific fashion? Then I'd have to agree with Turtle. If you just really don't like flamboyant behavior *at all* (which is how I am)... then just tough it out. You've got bigger fish to fry than personalities you don't like.

Why would you say that?

Because the attitude and behavior he's exhibiting is the very definition of homophobia. But that doesn't make him a bad person, and I'm certainly not judging him for feeling him the way he does. He's entitled to feel any way he wants.

No it's not.

He's already stated he doesn't have a problem with someone being gay; it's how he's flaunting his lifestyle. For a trainer he should be as professional as possible. Flirting with anyone on the CB is very unprofessional. Do it all you want when you're going solo not while someone is learning the ropes. On a side note, I've heard gay people say they 'hate' the flamer type. By your definition are they homophobic?

Also, I'm sure you've been around people who made you uncomfortable. Does it mean you have a phobia or your personalities just don't jive?

Flaunting his lifestyle would actually mean the trainer would be trying to get attention by talking about his attraction to men, his romances and sexual encounters with them, etc. Instead the trainer simply has his own personality.

As long as he doesn't act inappropriate with you, and he's a good trainer, overall, then I'd just be accepting of his lifestyle choice and tough it out.

But that's just my opinion.

Hey guys, I’m going to ask for advice and be as respectful as I can. I’ve been a long time lurker and really enjoy this site and the advice you all give. I’m working for a major carrier (would prefer not to say who) and on my trainers truck. My trainer is 34 and has been driving for 5 years. The issue I’m having is he is gay, very flamboyant, and very emotional. He wears makeup, wears very short shorts on the truck, sometimes wears halter tops, etc. Several times he has flirted with truckers over the CB calling them honey, baby, cutie, etc. Its driving me absolutely crazy! I’m just very uncomfortable with this situation. He’s been a pretty good trainer but I don’t want to be around this for 30-45 days. I was raised with values that don’t support/agree with his lifestyle and I don’t want to be living with him in a box for this long. I understand I will have to deal with people I don’t agree with in this industry and that is just fine, but there’s a difference between dealing with people and temporarily living with them. Instead of being PC, please think about what you would do if you were in this situation and let me know. Thanks