Okay I Am In Utter Need Of Help!!! I Have Been Out, You Guess It 2.5 Years...ugh.

Topic 26684 | Page 4

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RealDiehl's Comment
member avatar

"My question to you is how do I become thick skinned? Like when I was going through counseling with my advisor Dan Stanley at School of Discipleship, he said that I needed to have thick skin and a soft heart. What does that exactly entail? I care about people both here on truckingtruth.com and outside of here but being thick skin has been foreign to me and I am not sure how to not allow things to hurt me easily which is why I lashed out earlier."

Hi, Victor. There is no cure for being thin-skinned or touchy or quick to take offense to criticism. In my humble opinion an initial reaction is a gut response. It is not easy to turn that off. Some people can't control it. What you can control is how you deal with it. In a forum conversation, this means taking a look at how people respond to your comments. If your initial reaction to someone's comment is to take offense, reread the comment. Read between the lines and try to understand what is being said instead of how it is said.

Know your audience: before you post, think about who will be reading your comments and consider how they might interpret your words. If you make a comment about how badly your trainer taught you when it came to backing, whether you are trying to pass the blame or not, it could be interpreted as you trying to blame someone else for a mistake you made. Just as you might misinterpret and take offense to a well-intentioned comment, a person reading your comments might misinterpret and take offense to yours.

Packrat's comment is a good example (sorry to use you as an example, Packrat). He said something like, "there you go again blaming other people for your mistakes." If you read that comment and imagine Packrat sounding totally sarcastic and disgusted with you, it is going to come off as offensive. If you read it as Packrat matter of factly pointing out an example of what not to do, it comes off as more constructive and helpful.

I am a very thin-skinned individual too. Therefore I a try to be very careful (not always easy) about how I communicate.

Victor C. II's Comment
member avatar

RealDiehl I will take your advice to heart, as well as G-Town's advice. I have been so wrong about people on here and off here. People are not against me they are for me and I have to learn like you said to read, and reread until I can read between the lines so that I can become a better person. I am honored that I am apart of this forum and that you all are so willing to be there to help. I am praying and hoping that TMC will accept me into their student with a CDL program training program. I realized that I put the wrong application in and reapplied. Pray for me please and let me know how I can pray for you all!smile.gifthank-you-2.gif

"My question to you is how do I become thick skinned? Like when I was going through counseling with my advisor Dan Stanley at School of Discipleship, he said that I needed to have thick skin and a soft heart. What does that exactly entail? I care about people both here on truckingtruth.com and outside of here but being thick skin has been foreign to me and I am not sure how to not allow things to hurt me easily which is why I lashed out earlier."

Hi, Victor. There is no cure for being thin-skinned or touchy or quick to take offense to criticism. In my humble opinion an initial reaction is a gut response. It is not easy to turn that off. Some people can't control it. What you can control is how you deal with it. In a forum conversation, this means taking a look at how people respond to your comments. If your initial reaction to someone's comment is to take offense, reread the comment. Read between the lines and try to understand what is being said instead of how it is said.

Know your audience: before you post, think about who will be reading your comments and consider how they might interpret your words. If you make a comment about how badly your trainer taught you when it came to backing, whether you are trying to pass the blame or not, it could be interpreted as you trying to blame someone else for a mistake you made. Just as you might misinterpret and take offense to a well-intentioned comment, a person reading your comments might misinterpret and take offense to yours.

Packrat's comment is a good example (sorry to use you as an example, Packrat). He said something like, "there you go again blaming other people for your mistakes." If you read that comment and imagine Packrat sounding totally sarcastic and disgusted with you, it is going to come off as offensive. If you read it as Packrat matter of factly pointing out an example of what not to do, it comes off as more constructive and helpful.

I am a very thin-skinned individual too. Therefore I a try to be very careful (not always easy) about how I communicate.

CDL:

Commercial Driver's License (CDL)

A CDL is required to drive any of the following vehicles:

  • Any combination of vehicles with a gross combined weight rating (GCWR) of 26,001 or more pounds, providing the gross vehicle weight rating (GVWR) of the vehicle being towed is in excess of 10,000 pounds.
  • Any single vehicle with a GVWR of 26,001 or more pounds, or any such vehicle towing another not in excess of 10,000 pounds.
  • Any vehicle, regardless of size, designed to transport 16 or more persons, including the driver.
  • Any vehicle required by federal regulations to be placarded while transporting hazardous materials.
Big T's Comment
member avatar

Yes because they are on your DAC. Preventable is even worse.

By the sounds of it most of your accidents happened in parking lots and drop yards. Usually police stay out of those. It is easy to have an at fault wreck without it being citable.

Yes that is true about the trainer and student, yet I did do my best to pay attention to his guidance. So does that make me such a bad student? Yes I was too defensive. I am trying to work through this defensiveness. I learned it growing up and I am more than willing to face my fault in that matter.

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For one you definitely dont know what your talking about. 1. I was terminated, 2nd I asked if he thought I was ready, 3rd I got out more than most people to check my rear end. Remember only 2 of those was backing up. And your a rookie solo and so you dont have enough experience to really speak up. Let the more experience talk. Thanks. You need to quite being judgemental too.

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LMAO....says the NON-TRUCK DRIVER to the TRUCK DRIVER.

Dude, dont be so defensively hostile. Anything you did solo is your fault alone. Your trainer has no fault in your shortcomings and deserves none of the blame. Are all trainers good? No, but then neither are all students.

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What if they were none-ticketed and none-citated and preventable? They were not on my driving record. I went to DMV to get it too. Employer version.

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You are already doing what you need to do. Apply everywhere and don't be picky. You aren't in a position to be picky.

You can't say you've been accident free since 2015 because you have five on your DAC.

When you're discussing these with potential employers be specific. Don't just say "I learned from my mistakes". It's a hollow statement. "I could have easily prevented the high hook accident had I stopped and did a GOAL before backing all the way under the trailer" tells someone you are taking responsibility and shows you understand what went wrong. I have seen drivers avoid termination doing that.

If you get hired on somewhere you will most likely have to go back through school and go back with a trainer. Be humble and be up front that you had problems with backing and trip planning. That way your trainer can make sure they show you.

Good luck.

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Dm:

Dispatcher, Fleet Manager, Driver Manager

The primary person a driver communicates with at his/her company. A dispatcher can play many roles, depending on the company's structure. Dispatchers may assign freight, file requests for home time, relay messages between the driver and management, inform customer service of any delays, change appointment times, and report information to the load planners.

DMV:

Department of Motor Vehicles, Bureau of Motor Vehicles

The state agency that handles everything related to your driver's licences, including testing, issuance, transfers, and revocation.

DAC:

Drive-A-Check Report

A truck drivers DAC report will contain detailed information about their job history of the last 10 years as a CDL driver (as required by the DOT).

It may also contain your criminal history, drug test results, DOT infractions and accident history. The program is strictly voluntary from a company standpoint, but most of the medium-to-large carriers will participate.

Most trucking companies use DAC reports as part of their hiring and background check process. It is extremely important that drivers verify that the information contained in it is correct, and have it fixed if it's not.

HOS:

Hours Of Service

HOS refers to the logbook hours of service regulations.

OWI:

Operating While Intoxicated

Banks's Comment
member avatar
Take Banks for instance, he did not deserve the "smack-down" you replied with. I know that Dude, he's got heart, honest, and is one tough kid (well he is a kid to me, LOL). He rode with me for a day on a Walmart run...he listened to me, and I listened to him. The "listening" thing is equally important to having "heart". Anyway, that was two years ago...he overcame his own set of challenges, committed to this and worked very hard to arrive at where he is now. He is FedEx Doubles Driver. You should read his diary...learn from him, because he is in a completely different place than you are. A place you want to be... I would trust him driving next to me, descending one of the steep sections of I-81 under a load. No question. He earned that respect, listen to him Victor.

Thank you for the kind words G Town. What Victor doesn't realize is that, to a degree, I came from where he's coming from. You and Brett have called me out on my BS and excuses plenty of times. At some point it starts to kick in and you have to take a look at yourself and make life changing decisions if you want your life to change. Some people take to it quickly, others take a little longer. Some people never get it.

When I went on that ride along, I had a job offer for the driver apprentice position on the table from FedEx. After the ride I decided to take it. Turns out, I didn't qualify. They told me to wait a year to distance myself from some moving violations. I did and when that year was up, the position wasn't available. The year turned into 18 months and then I had a car accident. FedEx was ok with the car accident because the report and witnesses put the blame on the other driver.

At the time I was considering paying for school, but that accident drained my account. No rental coverage and uninsured driver. Brett and G Town called me out on needing a safety net and needing to take a leap of faith. I decided you guys were right and I reached out to Swift. A few days later the driver apprentice program opened again and I went that route. I've had no regrets ever since.

My point is, I had 2 options. Listen to you guys or stay at my warehouse job miserable as can be going tit for tat with you guys getting nowhere. I decided to shut up and listen. Now I'm making more money than I ever have and that's at the bottom of the pay scale, and I go to work everyday happy. Doesn't get any better than that.

Doubles:

Refers to pulling two trailers at the same time, otherwise known as "pups" or "pup trailers" because they're only about 28 feet long. However there are some states that allow doubles that are each 48 feet in length.

Victor C. II's Comment
member avatar

I see that you were well meaning just maybe a lot over zealous. But needless to say I am by no means going to say I did not have fault in the accidents.

Right now I am working with Hireright.com and I requested a copy of my background and DAC reports as well as requested a dispute on the accidents. Doris said that if Swift does not answer back in 30 days it automatically gets cleared. If they respond then they can say that they would not mind them being cleared or doesnt want them cleared.

Im going to call and see how it is going after a week. Im pretty much set for the 14th to start with Pam Transport unless another company says they are available.

DAC:

Drive-A-Check Report

A truck drivers DAC report will contain detailed information about their job history of the last 10 years as a CDL driver (as required by the DOT).

It may also contain your criminal history, drug test results, DOT infractions and accident history. The program is strictly voluntary from a company standpoint, but most of the medium-to-large carriers will participate.

Most trucking companies use DAC reports as part of their hiring and background check process. It is extremely important that drivers verify that the information contained in it is correct, and have it fixed if it's not.

PackRat's Comment
member avatar

I see that you were well meaning just maybe a lot over zealous.

You just still don’t get it, do you Victor?

40 Days's Comment
member avatar

Just read SD post maybe not a friendly site. Trucking isnt unicorns eating rainbows and pooping butterflies. If the truth hurts change the truth. That's what this is about. Love the honesty here harsh as reality but friendly as it gets.

G-Town's Comment
member avatar

Not surprised he (Southern Dad) started swinging at air...

...I wish I could “nicely” tell someone the third or fourth time they are basically FOS without masking any of the truth and stopping the spread of false hope and fictional nonsense. Pixie Dust is ineffective, plus it makes me sneeze.

I think his (SD) feathers were ruffled for how I called him out on Solos TMC thread in the Diary section, where he was clearly FOS and had no basis for his contrarian assessment. He has an ax to grind with me.

I am very tough on posers, adult-children and knot-holers who persist and are convinced they have it all figured out and know better just because they had a “C” or a “VP” or “Professor” in their former or about to be former professional title. When they eat their own dog food and influence others to try, I get very “not nice”.

I lived that other life for 30+ years (too long) and know all too well how truly level, selective this playing field is and the extent of humility required to survive school, training and the first half-year. Most of the corporate HotDogs and academics that go through this site will struggle with that and far too egoistical to realize it.

SD will find out soon enough “why” I am such a BB with folks like him. But what do I know? ...to him and others like him, I’m just a truck driver.

Victor C. II's Comment
member avatar

I hope to never become like this and if I have, I ABSOLUTELY repent and turn from it. I want to be teachable and respectable. My attitude before was not very much of any of those two things. One thing though I dont get is why Pack Rat says I dont get it? Why is that?

Not surprised he (Southern Dad) started swinging at air...

...I wish I could “nicely” tell someone the third or fourth time they are basically FOS without masking any of the truth and stopping the spread of false hope and fictional nonsense. Pixie Dust is ineffective, plus it makes me sneeze.

I think his (SD) feathers were ruffled for how I called him out on Solos TMC thread in the Diary section, where he was clearly FOS and had no basis for his contrarian assessment. He has an ax to grind with me.

I am very tough on posers, adult-children and knot-holers who persist and are convinced they have it all figured out and know better just because they had a “C” or a “VP” or “Professor” in their former or about to be former professional title. When they eat their own dog food and influence others to try, I get very “not nice”.

I lived that other life for 30+ years (too long) and know all too well how truly level, selective this playing field is and the extent of humility required to survive school, training and the first half-year. Most of the corporate HotDogs and academics that go through this site will struggle with that and far too egoistical to realize it.

SD will find out soon enough “why” I am such a BB with folks like him. But what do I know? ...to him and others like him, I’m just a truck driver.

HOS:

Hours Of Service

HOS refers to the logbook hours of service regulations.
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