How To Get The Right Mindset?

Hello everyone this is my first time doing this so please bare with me.

So as it stands right now I am on my last chance in this career. I have worked for one other company and I had done something that I regret every day since it happened 8 months ago.

I had committed the ultimate sin in the trucking industry and abandoned my truck. No reasoning I can give will excuse the fact that I shouldn't have done it all I can say is it was done out of anger and the only person that it hurt was me because I left the truck close by my home so I could go and check on it every day and I was sending them pictures every time i went there and that is something that I am never doing again I have learned my lesson there.

Now that that's out of the way on to what I want to ask everyone. Western Express is giving me a chance and with the abandoning on my DAC report, this is my one and only chance to make this work and I really do want to make this work because I do really injoy driving.

How do I keep my emotions in check and get thick enough skin to put up with some of the crap we deal with out there or is it something I have to learn and pick up on my own through experience?

Also I just want to make this side note for everyone who reads this mostly the rookie drivers. Just because you read this and I got another chance doesn't mean you will. Don't do what I did because it took me a while to get this chance and to tell you the truth I got lucky. So if your going to quit take the equipment to one of your companies terminals and don't abandoned it.

Any advice is welcome thanks.

Others will likely come along and speak to the mistake you made and offer advice there, but I am going to focus on the question at the end of your post.

You are going to have to make a decision for yourself that no matter what happens, no matter what is said to you in this industry, you are determined to make it work. It's a matter of finding what it is that motivates you and let that be your drive. I have used the fact that I want a better life for my daughter and my future kids than the life I allowed myself to live. Whatever you choose to use to motivate you, remember that important person or thing is more important than your own pride. This industry sometimes requires swallowing pride. Lean into being humble and willing to do whatever it takes to get a job done, but pair that with having the confidence to speak up when you refuse to do something unsafe or illegal.

Well, at least you are aware that you did a bad thing and seem ready to make some adjustments to the mental/emotional issues that were involved.

Abandoning a truck is a big deal, as you know. Frankly, I’m surprised you are getting another opportunity, so never burn another bridge in your career.

There is a scriptural saying that : “In the multitude of counselors there is wisdom”.

When you feel your emotions taking over the rational side of your brain, you need to get some objective advice about what you should do. So you need a support network to discuss things with before you do stupid stuff like walk away from your truck.

That is why this forum exists. It gives you access to objective, rational, experienced drivers who can help you to avoid professional self-destruction.

Other than that, get some people you trust on your speed dial. These are your truck driving 911 people. They can help you stay calm and make sound decisions when you encounter difficult situations. Knee jerk reactions are usually what gets us into trouble. I know this from personal experience.

And go to the book store and look at the self-help section. Get a book or two about controlling your anger.

The first word in DANGER is ANGER.

You are lucky to get another shot, espically in this economy. Remember that everyday and be grateful and thankful.

You jump in and do everything asked of you and put some time and positive experience behind you and your initial mistake will go away.

You need to realize you only have control over your actions and no one else’s. You need to foscus on you, no one else.

I see things everyday that I just shake my head at. But at the end of the day it doesn’t matter because it doesn’t effect me long term, so I let it fall by the wayside.

Dealing with other folks can be difficult at times. Just take a deep breath and decide if there is something you can do to effect a better outcome. If the answer is yes, do what you can, if it is no then just accept it and make a plan to deal with it.

Anger is truely a wasted emotion. It will wear you out and cause many more issues than it will ever solve.

Wishing you the best at WE!!

Welcome, Brandon!

First, let me commend you on your attitude about abandoning the truck. You take 100% responsibility, no excuses. Everyone loves to see that. You understand the gravity of the situation, and you vow to do better. That's a sign of someone capable of learning, growing, and improving. People are always far more willing to work with someone who takes full responsibility.

For those new to trucking and unsure what Brandon means by abandoning the truck, I'll explain. He went home, quit his job, parked his truck, and told his company to come and get the truck. This is, as Brandon stated, one of the cardinal sins of trucking. You must return the truck to your company's terminal. Never abandon a truck.

Because you understand the situation, let's focus on where you go from here.

How do I keep my emotions in check and get thick enough skin to put up with some of the crap we deal with out there or is it something I have to learn and pick up on my own through experience?

Developing a better approach requires a combination of self-awareness, creating a positive perspective, and consistently practicing mindfulness.

Yes, you can practice these things, and you must. We are creatures of habit. The way we think is a habit we've developed. You can change the way you think and react to things. You can learn to remain almost completely unaffected by the world around you.

It starts with awareness. If you notice your developing frustration before it gets the better of you, you've nearly won the battle already. Keeping yourself in a relaxed state is key. This is the part that takes the most practice. Bad habits kick in automatically. When you're in the habit of losing your cool, it happens without forethought. By the time you realize it, it's too late. Work on catching yourself before you get angry, and then move on to the next steps, keeping yourself relaxed.

Once you're aware of your growing frustration, use the word "helpful" as a filter for your thoughts and actions. Am I thinking helpful thoughts? What thoughts led to this growing frustration? If you examine your thinking, you'll realize many of the questions you ask and the opinions you form are simply not helpful in dealing with the situation. For instance:

Why did he pull out in front of me? What an idiot! He could have caused a wreck. He would have pulled out safely if he had waited a few moments for me to pass. How hard is that? I'm going to let him know I'm ****ed off about that!

None of that is helpful. It's not that you're wrong, but the questions you've asked and the thoughts you've had did not help resolve the situation or keep you calm.

So if you examine the thoughts that led to your frustration, you'll understand why you aren't relaxed.

Another important thing you can do is keep in mind there are many things you aren't aware of. Why do people do what they do? There are often circumstances beyond our understanding.

Maybe that driver pulled out in front of you because they're on the way to the hospital to visit a dying family member. Maybe their child is sick or injured. They could be an amazing driver, but they made an honest mistake this time.

If your dispatcher isn't giving you the miles you would like, is it because he doesn't like you? Is it something you should take personally? Sometimes, yes. Most times, no. Think it through. Maybe freight is slow, or they're giving you a short run to set you up for a longer one. Maybe they're using you to help get another driver home, or your tractor is due for service soon.

We get frustrated when we can't understand why people do the things they do. Most of the time, you'll never know what's behind the words and actions of others. Either try to learn why, if that's helpful, or accept there may be circumstances you're unaware of and just let it go.

Finally, keep a good perspective. If the biggest problem you face today is heavy traffic, bad weather, or impatient drivers, then you're having a great day compared with most people throughout human history. You're not facing disease, famine, or civil war. You're not wrongly imprisoned by a tyrannical government watching your life waste away. You're not at a funeral or bankruptcy proceedings.

But you can't stop there. Think about all the blessings you have. You have your health, freedom, family and friends, great food, a great paycheck, and you're driving a beautiful American big rig! Not only that, but you are genuinely contributing to the betterment of our society by bringing people the goods they need. You should take tremendous pride in that. I know I did, and the other drivers here do, too.

Finally, remember you're a true professional and take tremendous pride in that. Hold yourself to high standards. Sure, the average knucklehead in a four-wheeler loses their cool in traffic, but not you. The average truck driver might blow up at dispatch or the shipping clerk, but not you. You're a true professional. You hold yourself to high standards, and you take difficulties in stride. Demand excellence of yourself.

This all takes practice. Notice the thoughts that lead to your frustrations. Develop better thinking habits and a better perspective. Demand excellence of yourself and take pride in being a true professional. Most of all, count your blessings. You have an amazing life, and the freedom to make it anything you want it to be. Make the most of it.

Hope this helps!

PJ's comment below reminded me of Saint Therese of Lisieux.

You need to realize you only have control over your actions and no one else’s. You need to foscus on you, no one else.

You don't mention if you practice any faith but I have found prayer and reflection to help me get through challenging times, including ones that frustrate me or make me angry. The saints are examples I try to follow for specific types of problems. If I am becoming frustrated or angry, I try to refocus my thoughts and pray to get in a better frame of mind. There is a movie we have of Saint Therese who is considered the greatest saint of modern times. In this movie there is a scene where this joyful and happy nun had been assigned the task of washing the floor and this superior had been quite mean to her yet Therese had this joyful look on her face and smiled at her. The superior seemed frustrated and asked Therese why she was smiling at her and Therese responded "because I love you." The superior didn't know what to do and left but later in the movie loved Therese very much. We should try to treat everyone with kindness and respect as much as possible, regardless of how they are treating us. This may seem unreasonable in some situations but it is important to try. Try to not let their actions anger you. I grew up with a hot temper and got in a lot of fights but have found this way of acting to lead to a happier and more productive life.

Best wishes to you for success and happiness.

Two things that help me from overthinking myself into a bad attitude.

One, is what would the people here have to say about my thoughts and actions?

I had a time period where I was going through some emotional stress and didn't handle it well, I posted some of my stuff here and I got a pretty quick head check out it. Something that both Old School and Gtown said: "We hold ourselves to a higher standard here". It's profoundly true. Am I holding myself to a higher standard of professional conduct and attitude?

The second question is what can I do to fix it? What can I personally do?

If I'm not getting enough miles, how can I improve my performance, am I taking initiative, volunteering for unsavory assignments, taking short loads, delivering on time and safely?

Some times there might not be anything you can do, in that case, have some compassion.

My DM is brand new, she's in the office alone over the weekend, struggling to get her driver's loads. I feel for her. Tte best she could do was get me a load over 80, which is now closed that was only 14k pounds, and couldn't pick up for a day. I needed to do a 34, and was supposed to be home anyway.

What can I do? I volunteered to take the weekend off, park at our terminal in SLC and fly home and back for the weekend to my home time. She was relieved, one less driver to stress on over the weekend and it allowed her to give the load to a driver that needed it.

It's stressful enough for her that she's close to quitting. Being compassionate and mindful of others helps.

Others will likely come along and speak to the mistake you made and offer advice there, but I am going to focus on the question at the end of your post.

You are going to have to make a decision for yourself that no matter what happens, no matter what is said to you in this industry, you are determined to make it work. It's a matter of finding what it is that motivates you and let that be your drive. I have used the fact that I want a better life for my daughter and my future kids than the life I allowed myself to live. Whatever you choose to use to motivate you, remember that important person or thing is more important than your own pride. This industry sometimes requires swallowing pride. Lean into being humble and willing to do whatever it takes to get a job done, but pair that with having the confidence to speak up when you refuse to do something unsafe or illegal.

Thanks for that advice bk i appreciate it

Harvey c I do have faith and I'll try to do that when I feel my emotions taking over. Brett and PJ thank you both for your advice too. From now on I'll think about how to keep calm in every bad situation instead of acting on my first instincts and you guys are right I am extremely lucky that I got another chance and I will not waste it. I'll do my time and get back in the good with the industry no matter how long it takes.

How do I keep my emotions in check and get thick enough skin to put up with some of the crap we deal with out there or is it something I have to learn and pick up on my own through experience?

This may sound simplistic, but; what is your "why?" Why are you doing this thing called truck driving? THAT is what's important. Remind yourself EVERYday of that reason.

When I started driving (about eight years ago), I approached the job as THE thing that would put food on the table, pay the bills, payoff debt. For me, there was no fallback. Keeping this in mind allowed me to smile at the check-in window, thank the dispatchers and put up with the crap I didn't like (or think I deserved).

As you've learned, nobody owes you anything; you've got to go out and earn it. Now go and DO IT!

I hope this helps.